


Last Semester

by kikubeamblah



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-22
Updated: 2014-04-22
Packaged: 2018-01-20 08:58:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1504448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kikubeamblah/pseuds/kikubeamblah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin is in his last semester as a grad student in an M.A. program. He takes a class and meets a mysterious grad student who had been taking time off. At first, Rin hates the guy, but he slowly becomes attracted to the mysterious guy. But, he's not the only man in Haruka's life. (MakotoXHaruka and HarukaXRin)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Last Semester

**Author's Note:**

> So, you guys asked me to cross post this. All chapters on FF.net have been pushed into chap 1. As it gets updated after today, all those will be indiv chapters.

XXX

 

“Haruka?  Haruka!  Thank fucking God,” Makoto gripped Haruka’s hand tightly.

Haruka was in a hospital bed.  He looked at the lamp on the ceiling and then at Makoto.  He felt confused, very, very confused.  Where am I?

“Haruka?” Makoto asked.

Haruka pointed at himself, “Haruka?”

Makoto’s face fell.  He knew this had been a possible outcome.  No, more than that.  He knew this had been a likely outcome.  This was his field after all.  Not that that made it any easier.

 

XXX

 

“Haruka, would you?” The professor asked.

Haruka nodded, stood up, and went over to turn on the projector.  The teacher for their seminar was pretty useless with technology, and while most of the class was willing to wait for Media Services to come and help, or were simply too shy to go up front, Haruka was teacher’s pet.  This had been established during the first class, when the teacher made it clear that Haruka had taken past classes with her, was a star second year, and had specifically requested for Haruka to help her fix the technology.  So, Haru went straight up to the projector, and did anything and everything to help.  This annoyed almost everyone else in the room for whom it seemed a lot like sucking up, but it bothered Rin more than the rest.  There was something about Haruka that generally just annoyed him.  His voice, his face, his body, something.

Rin sat in the corner of the room.  He, like Haruka, was just about the only second year in the class.  Well, Haru was more of a fourth year.  During Rin’s senior year of college and first year here, Haruka had taken two years off and gone to America to study their subject more in depth at the prestigious Stanford University and do other research or something.  This is part of why the department and their professor loved Haruka.  But, now that Haruka was back, he was determined to make up for his lost time here.  And it was clear that this professor had already picked him as a favorite, which pissed off every other student.  But, none so much as Rin.  Because Rin mostly just wanted to get through the program.  People like Haruka made that difficult, and in order to manage to simply get through this class, he had to fight an uphill battle against the perfect Haruka.

Haruka, did everything and anything to help the teacher, to help the first years, to be generally obnoxious about his position in the program.  It was made worse, because he was so damn modest.  He really acted like he did fucking nothing.  Which to Rin made him simply seem more arrogant.  And so, Haruka over-participated and annoyed the crap out of Rin.

Rin kept his head down and stayed out of the spotlight, which seemed to cause Haruka to want to involve him more.

After they watched a video, Haruka would say things like, “Rin, what did you think?”  or “Rin, you’ve taken English language theory, what do you make of the text?  Don’t you think that scholars from the 1900s would disagree with the video and think this language was particularly dull?”

This made Rin even more angry because Haruka was in fact not the professor, and yet, he always managed to take over the class.  Additionally, Haruka seemed to find a way to do this solely when Rin had not been paying attention which meant that Rin got embarrassed.

After class one day, when Haruka had been particularly obnoxious, Rin turned to his best friend in the program, Nagisa, with whom he always gossiped.  The two of them had been friends since their first semester.  Nagisa was one of the other second years in this class.  Since their first semester they had gone out partying together and had gossiped together about different professors in the program and different people.  They were both from Iwatobi and for that reason, even though they hadn’t known each other there, they connected immediately.  They liked the same kinds of foods, beers, and so on.  Nagisa was one of the few people with whom Rin could be fully honest.  Nagisa was one of the other second years in the class, but for some reason Haruka didn’t seem to give him the same attention in class as he gave Rin.  Rin groaned, “What the hell is that guy’s problem?”

“He’s such a nerd,” Nagisa agreed, “I bet all he fucking does is study.”

“He’s so fucking arrogant,” Rin stuffed his books into his bag, “at least it’s a Friday.”

Nagisa nodded, “You wanna go to Shinjuku tonight?”

Rin gave him a look that said, “Do you even have to ask?”

Although he was out of earshot, Haruka had stayed after and was talking one on one with their professor.  He was asking for her impressions of English literature in the middle ages, or something else that would have bored Rin.  He probably never goes out.

As Nagisa and Rin were leaving, Haruka watched Rin.

 

XXX

 

Later that night, Rin got dressed up.  He loved going out at night with Nagisa.  Graduate school had been different than he expected.  Rin wanted to be a teacher, that’s why he was here, but it was a lot more challenging than he had expected.  Everyone was so damn professional.  It was so different than undergrad.  He never simply got to cut loose.  Not that his undergraduate experience had been particularly easy.  It was more that unlike undergrad, nobody ever partied.  So, he never felt relaxed.  Except when he was with Nagisa.  This is what Rin enjoyed about going out at night with Nagisa.  Nagisa was not only someone from home, but was also fun, Nagisa knew how to have a good time.  They were country boys who had gone together off to the city.  Not to say they hadn’t blended well into city life.  The two of them definitely knew how to party.

Nagisa texted him to meet in the main dorm.  Nagisa lived in the dorm that was built on their campus, and Rin lived in a dorm that was a few blocks off campus.  Rin walked over to Nagisa, and smirked.  Nagisa looked good too.  Not that either of them would make it back with their shirts on.

“So, I was thinking we’d go to that club in Shinjuku that we haven’t been to yet,” Nagisa led the way to where they were grabbing dinner.

Rin raised his brows, while he was pretty much up for anything, that club had a bit of a reputation, “Well, we did turn in our theses last week...and we couldn’t go out then…”

Nagisa nodded and smiled, “It’s going to be fucking incredible.”

“I doubt we’ll see anyone from school there,” Rin laughed.

Nagisa smirked, “Could you imagine seeing Haruka there?”

Rin snorted, “I can’t even imagine seeing him drunk.  He’s such a fucking goody-goody.  He’s not even that smart, but he always fucking has to help the professor.”

Nagisa rolled his eyes.  The two of them grabbed the subway and went straight to the club.  It was larger than Rin had expected, and it was pretty insane.  Not that Rin minded.  He loved going to these sorts of clubs, they reminded him of his college days when he and his friends would get smoke hookah and drink beer.  Those were the days.  

Rin went straight for the bar.  He split off from Nagisa usually around this point, though they always met up later.  Nagisa was into anything and everything, and would usually find either a boy or a girl to hook up with.  Rin was rather sexually flexible too, but tonight, he was in the mood to find a man.  

For some reason, one that Rin could not fully explain, he and Nagisa had never hooked up.  Not that they never had fun together.  Sometimes Rin was half-sure that Nagisa flirted with him.  Sometimes Rin was half-sure Rin himself instigated the flirting.  And yet, they were two peas in a pod.  They were just friends having a good fucking time when they went out.  Sex messes things like that up.  Not that he wouldn’t fuck Nagisa if the time were right.  Still, somehow, he was felt sure it never would be.

Rin looked around the club for someone interesting.  His attention, however, was drawn back to the bartender.  For now though, he wanted to unwind and booze up.  He ordered a Jameson and Ginger.  He began to drink the whiskey and felt his troubles slipping away.  He began to feel a bit lighter by the second one and made his way onto the dance floor.

Nagisa was no where to be found in the club, which was only half lit by several brightly colored lights.  Not that it would have been possible to find Nagisa even if the lighting had been better, there were hundreds of people there.  But, even in the crowd, Rin saw a familiar face.  It was Haruka’s face.  Haruka was less than 4 feet away from him.  And Haruka saw Rin too.  Haruka looked straight at him.  Then, Haruka looked back at the man that he was grinding against, that man was pretty obviously high on something.  He handed Haruka a pill, which to Rin’s surprise, Haruka took.  Haruka knew Rin was watching him.  He winked at Rin as he did it.  And then, Haruka made out with the man.

Rin went back to the bar.  What the hell was that?  And why is my heart beating so fast?  Rin ordered two shots and a drink.  He needed many drinks to process what he had just witnessed.

Seriously, what the fuck was that?  That can’t have been, Haruka?  Haruka, the nerd, who fucking helps the teacher set up the fucking projector during every class meeting?

Rin looked around a second time, but Haruka was gone.  Around that time, Nagisa reappeared.  Nagisa had come back high, and with some molly to share with Rin, “Oh my god, you will not believe what just happened.”

Rin smirked, “Let me guess, you found someone who traded this for a fuck?”

Nagisa rolled his eyes, “You never let me tell the full story.”

“Your stories are always the same,” Rin teased, but he took some of the ecstasy off of Nagisa’s hands, “I need this way more than you right now.”

“Hmm?” Nagisa asked, raising a brow, and grabbing one of Rin’s shots.

“Ah ah ah!  Order your own.”

Nagisa shook his head, “I shared with you.”

“Oh, alright, but it’s not like you paid for those,” Rin felt the high coming on.

“Oh trust me, he wasn’t hot, it was definitely a sacrifice.”

Rin laughed.

“So what happened while I was gone?” Nagisa asked.

“You’ll never believe who I saw.”

Nagisa raised a brow.

“Haruka is here.  I saw him take a pill and get ready to hook up with a guy.”

“Okay, you are so fucking with me,” Nagisa threw back the shot, “did you get high without me?”

Rin shook his head, “I’m not lying.  I swear.  Why the hell do you think I ordered so many fucking drinks?”

“Dude, if I didn’t know better, I’d think you were obsessed with him.  You ‘saw’ him here?  Please.  You’re starting to actually like him.”

Rin simply looked at Nagisa, “No effing way.  He’s way too boring for that.”

“Precisely.  Let’s go find you someone to fuck.  I don’t want to talk about anyone from school,” seeing the look on Rin’s face, he added, “It wasn’t him.  It couldn’t have been.”

But, it was.

 

XXX

 

The next time that they had class, the professor assigned some writing assignment.  It was a rather large project, but of course, as this was graduate school, they had to complete it within a week.  Rin and Nagisa both sighed.  It was going to be a long, boring weekend.  Well, after their normal activities.

Rin was having a pretty bad week in general, after all, he was having computer problems.  His battery was dying all the time, and so he had to keep it plugged in all the time or it died.  This meant that he had to sit in the one part of the classroom that had plugs.  Naturally, this put him close to Haruka.  He didn’t talk to Haruka about what he had seen last weekend at the club.  Or, didn’t see, the weekend before.  He had no way to be sure after all.  And besides, what Nagisa said made sense.  Well, it sort of did.  Rin did not want Haruka.  But, it must have been a hallucination.  Someone who looked similar to Haruka.  There was no way it could have actually been him.

Sitting near Haruka hadn’t been problematic during class, but at the end, it meant that because of his computer cord, he caused a bit of a traffic jam for people trying to leave class.  Haruka teased him, “Rin, look at what you’re causing here.”

Rin flinched.  What the fuck is his problem?

“I can’t get by you,” he teased, gently touching Rin’s arm.  Rin felt something electric pass through him when Haruka touched him.  Even though Haruka could have easily stepped over the cord, he didn’t and instead, he continued, “always in the way, making problems, aren’t you?”

Rin felt his face get a bit hot.  He quickly moved the cord and apologized.  Haruka walked past him and started to leave the class.

What the hell was that?  What the hell did I just feel when he touched me?  Holy fuck, Rin realized, Nagisa is right.  I want him.  That’s why he annoys me so much.  I want to fuck him.  Or better, I want him to fuck me.  What the fuck is wrong with me?  He is the exact opposite of the type of guy I typically like, but he’s so fucking mysterious.

Rin tried to engage Haruka further before he left, “Um, what are you thinking about doing for the paper?”

Haruka turned around and looked at Rin strangely, “Haven’t decided yet.  I’m sure I’ll think of something though.”

“I-I see,” Why the fuck did I ask him that?

But, Haruka was relaxed and smug.  His usual personality, “Have a good weekend, Rin.”

Then, Haruka left.  Nagisa came up to Rin, “What the hell was that?  You okay?”

“Yeah, he’s just so damn weird,” but Rin’s voice didn’t carry the same angry tone that it had before.

Nagisa nodded, “You wanna go out tonight?”

Rin agreed.

 

XXX

 

Rin woke up and he was not in his bed.  He was wrapped in a sheet, and he could feel that he was naked underneath it.  Haruka was smoking a cigarette, sitting up, leaning against the headboard.  There was a sheet around him too, and based on the fact that his chest was bare, Rin assumed he was naked beneath it as well.  This was his bed.  His bed?  Rin thought, oh fuck.

Suddenly, Rin began to recall some of his memories of the previous night.  He had gone out to the bars with Nagisa, gotten drunk, and the two had gone their separate ways.  And at some point, he had...ended up here?

Haruka said nothing.  He only smoked his cigarette and watched Rin with minor curiosity.

Rin got up and grabbed his clothes and made his way to the bathroom without a word.  He put the clothes on as quickly as possible, and by the time he got out of the bathroom, Haruka was dressed too.

What the fuck do I do now?  I just had a one night stand with a classmate of mine.  One of the most professional classmates of mine.  Fuck.  Fuccck.  This was so unprofessional of me.  What the fuck was I thinking?  These thoughts and thousands of others ran through Rin’s head.  After all, their program was small and word was sure to get around.  And that was not a good thing.  Fuck.

“I’d appreciate it if -” Rin finally began.

But, he was cut off by Haruka, “Look.  We may have to work together at some point.  Let’s just be mature about this.”

Haruka’s voice was silky and smooth, and it sounded sexy to Rin, but it was so damn cold.  Distant.

“O-okay.  Yeah, I’d appreciate that,” now, I just have to figure out how much Nagisa knows, maybe he can fill me in on what the fuck happened.

Haruka opened the door to his apartment for Rin, “See you in class.”

And with that, Rin headed back to the dorms.  He sent Nagisa a text saying that they had to meet.

 

XXX

 

“You did what with him?” They were getting curry udon at a stand that the two of them liked.  It wasn’t done in the same style as Iwatobi, but it was damn close considering.

Rin shrugged, “I don’t know.  I don’t even remember how it happened or what happened.  I think I got roofied.  I was hoping you could tell me more.”

Nagisa shook his head, “Roofied...you mean you think he - ”

Rin shook his head, “I don’t think it was him.  I think it was back at the bar and I don’t remember seeing him there.  I remember being the one to call him.”

Rin remembered picking up his phone outside and then, after that, nothing.  Nothing until the next morning.  Where he was naked and Haruka was naked.

“I don’t know anything.  Fuck though, I can’t believe you screwed him.  That’s insane,” Nagisa couldn’t help.

“I don’t even know if we did.”

Nagisa gave him a look.

“Well, I mean, I’m sure we did, but I just don’t know.  I don’t remember any of it.”

Nagisa laughed, “You’re fucking insane.”

“He had a nice chest though.  I mean, he’s pretty fucking hot, he just, ugh, something about the way he is in class makes me crazy,” Rin grabbed some of the noodles with his chopsticks and ate them.

Nagisa shook his head, “You’re fucking nuts.  I wouldn’t go near that guy with a ten foot pole.  He’s so friggin’ arrogant.”

Rin shrugged, “How about you, how’d your night shape up?”

“I didn’t fuck anyone.  Was boring.  You went off and disappeared and that was my evening.”

“Oh man, sorry about that,” Rin wiped his lips with a napkin.

Nagisa smirked, “It’s fine.  This story makes up for it.  Just knowing what you were fucking doing last night makes it like retroactively one of the best fucking nights ever.”

Rin sighed.

“Yeah, I’m never letting this one go.”

 

XXX

 

The following week in their class, Haruka sat at the front table, far away from Rin.  He participated as normal, and behaved completely normally, which annoyed Rin.  Did that really mean nothing to him?  Not that like Rin didn’t understand how one night stands work.  He was typically someone who could have a one night stand, but for Rin they were with strangers.  Rin had never had a one night stand with like, someone who he knew.  Especially not someone who he may have had a crush on, who was in his classes.  

He never had to sit in a classroom with a one night stand.  It was just awkward.  Rin had no idea what the professor talked about in the class, as he spent the whole time trying to remember and trying to figure out Haruka, but at the end, he turned in his paper.  Haruka was gone before Rin could talk to him.  In spite of the fact that he had not talked to Rin or even sat where he could really see Rin, he was dressed nicer than usual.  Rin took note of this.  He had a button down shirt on, and nice slacks.  Rin wondered if Haruka was meeting someone important after their class.  A part of him wanted to follow Haruka, but instead he talked to Nagisa.

“Did you see what he was wearing today?” Nagisa asked.

Rin blushed a bit, “I did.”

“He does clean up nicely,” Nagisa acknowledged.

 

XXX

 

Not much exciting happened that weekend.  Rin tried to hook up with someone, when he went out with Nagisa, but the guy had a boyfriend.  Nagisa got laid, but it was otherwise rather uneventful.  During the next week in class, however, things changed.

Rin got his paper back with a giant red See me written on it.  Ugh, Rin thought.  He hadn’t been particularly proud of his work, but he hadn’t thought it had been so bad either that it was going to require a revision.  Clearly, he had been wrong.

That class also moved slowly and dragged on.  It was another week where Haruka had picked to sit as far away from Rin as possible.  So much for simply being professional.  On the other hand though, it probably would have annoyed Rin more if Haruka engaged him, but instead, he acted like nothing had happened.  

This week, Rin noted, Haruka wasn’t dressed quite as nicely.  He didn’t appear to have dressed up at all.  Still, Rin spent most of the class watching him.

At the end of the class, Rin went up to the professor.

“Ah, Rin, yes, that really wasn’t your best work,” the professor began.

This had been a day where Haruka apparently decided to talk to the professor too, which meant that this began in front of Haruka, which embarrassed Rin.  Not that it would have mattered, but Rin didn’t want to look like a complete failure in front of Haruka.  Although, he was only trying to pass, it embarrassed him a bit to look completely useless in front of Haruka.

Haruka stood back a bit, but it was clear that he could hear that part of the conversation, and then, he became much more involved.  The professor motioned to Haruka, “Haruka wrote a perfect paper.  That’s why he’s here.  I asked him to stay after class.  I’m going to have him send me his paper as an example paper for a future year.  I was also thinking though that perhaps you would be willing to help Rin improve his paper, Haruka.”

If Haruka was less than thrilled by the prospect, he didn’t show it.  Although, he didn’t look particularly happy either, “I can.”

“Good.  I find that sometimes when we work with a partner, we can learn all kinds of new things,” blah, blah, blah.  The professor went on trying to convince Rin that he needed Haruka’s help and that it wasn’t that he was a failure for needing to do a re-write and so on.  But, Rin felt horrible.  As if it weren’t awkward enough for him to be around Haruka, given what had probably conspired between them, this made it like 10,000X worse.  Now, he had to deal with Haruka to help edit his paper.  Plus, he looked like a complete moron in front of Haruka.  Not that Haruka probably cared one way or the other, he had made it rather clear that their last encounter was merely a hookup.  This probably solely cemented the fact that Rin was not good enough for him.

“Rin, let’s meet on Monday,” Haruka said as they walked out.

“Your place or mine?” Rin asked quietly.  He was ashamed about his paper.

Haruka frowned, it was clear he was thinking about something, “Yours.”

“My place is kind of small...I live in Chiisai.”

Haruka nodded, “I guess you can come to my apartment then.  I trust you remember where it is…”

Rin made an awkward acknowledgement of this.

“...is 5 okay?” Haruka asked.

Rin agreed.

 

XXX

 

XXX

 

“Did you hear?  Someone got a 100 on the midterm.”

“You’re lying!  Is that even possible? Who was it?”

“It is, I couldn’t believe it either.  It was Haruka, do you know him?  The program called him in for an interview for a special fellowship.”

“Wow, if he weren’t so damn nice, I’d hate him.”

“He’s cute too, and so smart.  He’s like the perfect guy.”

“There aren’t many boys in this program...Do you think he has a girlfriend?”

“No clue.”

 

XXX

 

Rin was drunk.  Totally fucking smashed.  It crossed his mind that it was bizarre that he was this drunk.  He had only had two drinks.  Rin didn’t get this drunk from solely two drinks.  Something had been wrong, but he was too buzzed to care.

He dialed Haruka up on his phone.  He had gotten Haruka’s number off of facebook, “Hey asshole.”

“Who is this?” Haruka asked, surprised by the call.  It was almost ten at night after all.  Not a time he’d normally get a call from anyone who’s number wasn’t in his phone.

“It’s Rin, from your fucking English class, you fucking cocktease.”

“Rin?” Haruka asked.  Rin could practically hear him smirk over the phone, “Where are you?  Are you okay?”

“I’m at a bar and I’m fucking wasted.”

“Why are you calling me?”

“Because I have a lot I want to say to you.”

Haruka felt himself laugh, “You do?”

“Yes.  So, come here so I can talk to you.”

“Which bar are you at?” Haruka asked.  He couldn’t help himself, Rin made him curious.

Haruka joined up with Rin outside of a bar, and helped walk him to the subway station, “I’ll take you back to my place.”

“Thanks.  And thanks for coming to get me.”

“You’re pretty damn drunk.”

Rin had already thrown up, and he could tell he was going to do a lot more of that tonight.  Something wasn’t right about the way his body felt, “I know.  I don’t usually get this way.”  That was half-true.  He did usually get fucked up, but he was in control of it as it happened.  He hadn’t ever had an experience like this where he was suddenly so smashed.  Something was wrong.

“Uh huh,” Haruka didn’t particularly believe Rin.  Rin looked a bit like a partier after all.  Not that Haruka was the type to judge.  Haruka felt a shitton better himself when he got high or drunk.  It took his mind off his situation and made him much more content with everything.  Not that he’d discuss any of that with a drunk Rin.

“Thanks for taking care of me.”

“No problem.”

They got back to Haruka’s apartment and Rin started to say everything that had been on his mind with Haruka.  He began, “You’re such a fucking mystery, you know that?”

Haruka had to smirk about that, “It’s not intentional.  What do you want to know?”

“I mean, you fucking act one way in class, and then I see you get high with a complete stranger?  I couldn’t believe that.  I totally didn’t peg you as the type.”

“You shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, Rin,” Haruka lit a cigarette.

Rin sighed, “You really are a fucking mystery.  I fucking hated you at the start of class, did you know that?”

Haruka raised his brows.

“Really, I thought you were fucking obnoxious.  But, that’s not it.  It’s more than that.  I find you undeniably attractive,” Rin explained.

Haruka laughed, causing his hand holding the cigarette to shake.

“Seriously, I’d fuck you in a heartbeat,” Rin couldn’t believe these words were coming out of his mouth, and yet, they didn’t even feel real as they came out.

Haruka raised his brows, “Yeah?”

“Yeah.  I totally would.  We could right now if you want.”

“I don’t think so,” Haruka tapped the cigarette against the ashtray, “I think you’re a little too fucked up.  I don’t sleep with people who won’t remember it.”

“Why not?  It’s not like I’m unwilling.  I mean, it’d be one thing if I were passed out, but I’m telling you that I want it.”

Haruka shook his head, “You are in no condition to remember this in the morning.”

Rin rolled his eyes, “That’s like half the point of a one night stand.”

“I make a point to remember everything as best as possible.  It’s only fair if I do the same for the people around me.”

This confused Rin a lot, “Like I said, you’re a fucking mystery, Haruka.”

“Yeah, for me too,” but Rin didn’t even hear him.  Rin had begun to strip.  Haruka watched him.  Rin was hot.  

Rin kissed Haruka when he was fully naked.  Haruka felt himself being drawn into the kiss, and he felt himself get hard, but he pulled back, “I’m serious, Rin.  Nothing is going to happen.”

“Yeah, well, then I’ll just be here naked,” and Rin crawled into Haruka’s bed, “You strip too, or I’ll do it for you.”

Haruka smirked and put down his cigarette.  He kept his word from earlier and did nothing to Rin, but it was his apartment and it was his bed being invaded.  He’d sleep naked if he wanted to.  And so, he did.

 

XXX

 

Later, Rin complained to Nagisa.  The pair were at a little Thai place just off campus having pad thai and beer.  Nagisa wasn’t surprised that Rin had to do a rewrite, not that Rin was stupid exactly.  It was more that their professors had fairly specific guidelines and Rin wasn’t the best at being obedient.  In terms of having Rin partnered with Haruka though?  That Nagisa found utterly hilarious.

“I can’t believe you have to work with him.  I can edit your paper if you want,” Nagisa offered, “that way you don’t have to work so much with him.  I did okay on it.”

Nagisa had gotten full credit actually, but he wasn’t the type to brag.  Even so, Rin shook his head.

Suddenly, the wheels began to turn for Nagisa, “Oh my god.  I can’t believe I didn’t see it before.  You actually want to go over there and work with him.”

Rin blushed, “He probably thinks I’m an idiot though.”

Nagisa had to smile, “So, what’s the game?”

“I was thinking Champagne from France.  You remember how I told you I went when I graduated in undergrad?  I thought I’d bring a bottle.  Is that totally lame?”

Nagisa chewed on his inner cheek, wow, he’s really this serious about Haruka?  “That’s a pretty big deal.”

Rin flushed, “I mean I don’t know.”

Nagisa shook his head, “You should do it.  Have fun with him,” Rin didn’t notice, but Nagisa’s face fell a bit.

 

XXX

 

Haruka buzzed Rin in, and Haruka took Rin into the kitchen.  Sitting there was a man with dirty blonde hair.  He looked nice enough, Rin noticed a large scar that started on his left hand and went up his entire arm, but besides that he was attractive.  He had striking green eyes.  Haruka introduced him, “This is my boyfriend, Makoto.”

Rin had definitely been expecting him to say roommate.  This almost made Rin’s mouth drop.  But, we?  Rin controlled himself, however, and shook hands with Makoto, “Ni-nice to me you.  I’m Rin.”

Makoto smiled softly, “You’re in Haruka’s program?”

A Japanese-American?  Rin wondered.  Maybe they met when Haruka was in California?  “Yes.  I...I did poorly on an essay and I guess the professor hoped Haruka could help me do better,” Rin hated explaining this.  He also definitely, definitely, wanted to have a chat with Haruka now.

“That was a good choice.  This guy is crazy talented,” Makoto patted Haruka on the back, “I’ll leave you two alone.”

Makoto did as he said he would and walked out of the kitchen.  Rin started to say something, but Haruka cut him off, “I’d like to get this done as fast as possible.  I’ve looked at the draft of your paper, and I can see why she disliked it.”

Rin glared at Haruka.

“Sorry, I’m going to be a bit blunt, because it’s just easiest and fastest.  I’m sure you want to get out of here too,” Rin simply stared at Haruka, but Haruka was in school mode.  He jumped straight into the paper and motioned to sections Rin had written, “You totally misunderstood what this scholar was saying, that’s what is wrong with paper.”

Rin nodded and sighed a bit, “Okay...tell me what he was saying.”

They finished up about an hour later.  Much earlier than Rin had expected.  As Rin gathered his belongings, Rin remembered what was in his bag.  He had forgotten to give it to Haruka because he had been distracted by meeting Makoto, but he had brought a gift.  He had hoped to either share it with Haruka or at least offer it as an apology for wasting Haruka’s time.  Now, it fell more into the apology category.  He handed the bag to Haruka, “You can uh...drink it with your boyfriend.”

Haruka opened the gift.  It was a bottle of French champagne.  It was rather expensive for a student, and it was definitely nicer than a simple gift, and a lot nicer than anything Haruka would have expected, had he meant to drink this with me?  Haruka simply said, “Thanks.”

Rin started to leave, but Haruka stopped him, “Makoto, I’m gonna walk Rin out and have a smoke.”

“Okay,” Makoto called back lovingly.

“He doesn’t like when I smoke in the apartment,” Haruka explained.

Rin thought back to the morning when he had been with Haruka and he had smoked in the bed.  The pair went outside, and Haruka started to walk Rin back to the subway station.  Haruka started to say something, but Rin went first, “What the hell was that?”

“What?” Haruka asked.

“You - I mean.  You had a boyfriend?”

“It’s complicated.  We were sort of on a break,” Haruka explained, “besides, not a whole lot happened with you and me.  Though, I doubt you really remember that.  You were in pretty bad shape when I found you.  Like I said that night, I don’t sleep with people who can’t remember it.  Memories are very important to me.”

Rin blushed.  He felt stupid.  He felt angry with Haruka.  He didn’t even know why he was angry, what did he want from Haruka?  What had he been expecting this to be?  Whatever he had wanted, it hadn’t been this.

Haruka pulled out a cigarette and began to smoke, “Anyway, I think if you make those changes we discussed, your paper should be fine.  She’s a pretty easy grader.”

This comment also annoyed Rin.  It sounded as though Haruka were calling him an idiot for not doing better the first time around, “I really don’t get you.”

Haruka shrugged.  He inhaled a hit.

Rin watched, there was something sexy about the way that Haruka took a drag, “May I?”

Haruka eyed him and appeared to consider it for a second.  Instead, he pulled another cigarette out of his pack, “Here.  Have your own.”

Did I just flirt with a semi-taken man?  What the hell is going on with me?  Rin took the cigarette, and Haruka started to offer him a light, but instead, Rin thanked him for the essay help and walked away.

 

XXX

 

“Soooo, you look glum,” they were at a Ramen restaurant near campus.  Nagisa wasn’t sure whether to be happy, since it hadn’t gone well or sad, because Rin was his best friend.

Rin sighed, “It didn’t go as I expected.”

“What?” Nagisa took a swallow of his beer.

“I just - I thought that you know, I’d wine and dine him with champagne and if he didn’t think I was a complete moron, maybe we’d - you know, hook up.  Instead, I got there and his boyfriend was there,” Rin slammed his spoon into the soup.

Nagisa raised his brows, “Wow.  Boyfriend?”

“I know…”

“You really like that guy, huh?” Nagisa definitely didn’t get that, Rin could do better than Haruka.  Way better.  Like, with a certain blonde.

“I...I don’t know.  I mean…I just...ugh,” Rin drank some of the soup, “not that it matters now.  He’s taken.”

“That’s pretty weird.  So he like what, cheated when he was with you?”

“No...I mean, I don’t know.  They were on a break I guess and apparently we didn’t sleep together, so I don’t know.  He said something else that was strange, too,” Rin sipped on the soup.

Nagisa nodded urging Rin to go on.

“He said that he found me.  I remember calling him from the bar, but I guess after that he must have come looking for me?” Rin used his chopsticks to get some of the noodles.

Nagisa sighed, he didn’t fully understand what had attracted his friend to Haruka, but Rin was obviously upset.  And as his best friend, it was Nagisa’s duty to make Rin happier, “We can go out and find you something better.”

Around this time, a first year in their program walked into the restaurant.  This often happened when you all lived in the same general area.  You’d pick a restaurant and you’d run into people from class.  Everybody has to eat.  

The first year was Nitori, a guy who was also in their class with Haruka.  Rin hadn’t taken much note of him before, but recognized his face.

“Can I sit with you guys?” Nitori asked nervously.

Rin and Nagisa shrugged simultaneously.

Nitori thanked them, “It gets kind of lonely here.  I haven’t met many people in the program yet…”

Rin and Nagisa smiled, Nagisa spoke in a friendly manner, “We know what you mean.  It can be difficult at first.”  

“Can-Can I hang out with you guys tonight?” Nitori asked.  He was nervous, but the truth was that he spent most of his time cooped up in his room doing readings, and he was so damn lonely.  It was starting to depress him and make him homesick.  Please, please say yes.

Rin and Nagisa exchanged glances.  This would put a bit of a hamper in their plans.  They didn’t really know Nitori, and being out with someone from the program meant that they couldn’t get stoned and do whatever the fuck they wanted.  But, at the same time, they both remembered how it felt to be new to the program, “Sure.”

“We were planning to go to a bar after this, but if you had something else in mind…” Nagisa spoke.

“No, no, that sounds great,” Nitori blushed, “thanks for letting me hang out with you guys.”

Rin looked at him, and noticed how cute his blush was.  Nitori noticed a piece of noodle on Rin’s cheek, he reached over and brushed it off, then he apologized, “Sorry - I just…”

Rin shook his head, “No problem.  Thanks.”

Nagisa furrowed his brow.  He looked at Rin and raised one.  Rin winked back.  Nagisa sighed, but as usual, he covered up his dejection.  Besides, it wasn’t like he didn’t fuck other people too, it was more that he didn’t do people in their program.  Rin lately had started to involve himself with people in their program and Nagisa wished it had been him, “You know what, I think I’m going to head back to my room.  I’ve got some work I have to do.  You two guys have fun.”

And they did.

 

XXX

 

“I haven’t been to many bars in Tokyo,” Nitori said, he was feeling a bit light.  Rin had bought him a shot and a beer.

Rin himself had done a sake bomb, and could feel the alcohol going to his head, “Yeah?”

“Yeah, I went to school in Kyoto, and well, I partied there, but it’s a smaller city, less intense,” Nitori felt a bit awkward.  He could feel himself starting to get drunk, but he was still trying to figure out how drunk exactly was appropriate with an older student.  He was still learning to draw the line between professional and party.

Rin found him to be an adorable first year.  Nitori kept drinking his beer and Rin ordered him a third drink.  Rin also had another.

“Wow,” Nitori started to slur, “I haven’t been this drunk in a while.”

Rin eyed him suspiciously.  Nitori hadn’t had that much to drink.  But, then again, the other man was a lot smaller than Rin, but Rin said, “Let’s do one more shot.”

Nitori hesitated, but ultimately agreed, eager to show the upperclassmen that he was cool.  The pair did the shot together and then Rin was like, “Let’s go walk around Tokyo.”

Nitori nodded.

“My favorite thing in the world is to walk around the city at night feeling buzzed.  Especially as it starts to get colder,” Rin said, his tongue was a bit looser now that he was drunker.  And Nitori who had been a cute first year earlier on in the night was starting to look sexier.

Nitori could barely figure out how to make his mouth work.  He had been drinking with people in undergrad, but he had always been a bit of a light weight.  He felt nice being near Rin.  Everything was a bit fuzzy, but he was feeling on top of the world.  The two of them sat down in a park bench on campus.  They were close together now.  Nitori’s head was leaning up against Rin’s shoulder.

The two of them were merely basking in their drunkenness until Nitori said something, “Rin, I...I’m really happy you let me hang out with you.  I’ve been so lonely lately.”

Rin turned and looked at him.  But before Rin could say anything, Nitori pressed his lips against Rin’s.  Rin was surprised, but he had sent Nagisa away earlier with the hopes of a hookup.  And so, Rin furthered the kiss by sliding his tongue into Nitori’s mouth.  Haruka, who had been at the library, working on research for a professor walked by around this time.  Rin didn’t see him, he was too involved in the kiss, but Haruka noticed the redhead.  He stared for a second and then, walked back to his apartment.

Rin pulled back from Nitori, he was drunk, happy, and generally feeling good.  Nitori smiled and slurred, “Should we take it back to your dorm room or mine?”

Rin felt a bit dominant, he purred, “Mine.”

The pair walked back to Rin’s apartment, and by the time that they made it there, Rin’s shirt was unbuttoned and off, as was his undershirt and the same could be said for Nitori.  Nitori looked around Rin’s room, his eyes landing on a cigarette that was sitting on Rin’s desk, “Can I smoke that?”

When Nitori got drunk, he also enjoyed smoking.  Rin grabbed it out of his hands, “N-no, don’t touch that.”

“That important to you?” Nitori asked incredulously.

Rin shook his head, thinking back to the situation with Haruka, “N-nevermind.  Yeah, you can have it.”

Rin tossed Nitori a lighter and he lit it up.  Rin was technically not supposed to smoke in his dorm, but everyone did hookah in it anyway, so it didn’t really matter.  Together they chain smoked the cigarette.

When they finished, they continued what they had been doing outside.  Rin made out with the smaller man and began to unzip his pants.  Nitori was very hard.  He giggled a bit as Rin touched his stomach, sliding his hands down to Nitori’s manhood.

Rin locked his lips around it, causing Nitori to fall back against Rin’s bed.  He moaned with delight.  This was one of the reasons that Rin loved graduate school.  He enjoyed having a single, no need to worry about any apartment mates.  The thought that this was a peer and someone that he had to work with potentially as a grad student crossed his mind, but he knew it was way too late to be worrying about that.  Something about what had happened with Haruka had changed his mind about all of that anyway.  If Haruka could look fucking perfect in class and be as much of an asshole as he was outside of it, what was so wrong about him fucking a first year?  Rin became especially eager, as his hands rolled around to Nitori’s backside and he felt the smaller man’s muscular ass.  Rin was hard too, and Rin wanted to fuck him.

Rin unzipped his own pants, and undid his boxers.  Nitori looked at Rin’s uncovered dick with delight, he groaned, “w-wow,” and then, he blushed realizing how lame he was being.

But, Rin smirked in response, “You’re so damn cute.”  Nitori’s response was a reaction he enjoyed.  Rin grabbed a condom and the lube from his dresser.  He lubed up his fingers and began to prepare Nitori.  Meanwhile, he lubed himself up with his other hand, and slid on the condom.  Nitori moaned with delight as Rin slid his fingers inside of him.  Rin would slow up once in awhile to give him some kisses.  Nitori’s hands were tightly gripping Rin’s bed as he laid on his back.

“R-rin please,” Nitori begged.

This caused Rin’s dick to twitch a bit.  He wanted to be inside Nitori, but Nitori was damn tight.

“C-come on,” Nitori demanded.

But, Rin hushed him, “One second…”

Then Rin slid himself inside of Nitori.  Nitori groaned as it happened.  So did Rin, “So-so fucking tight.”

Rin let Nitori exhale and get used to Rin, and then, Rin began to slowly move himself within Nitori.  Nitori was pretty loud, and Rin found himself starting faster than he usually did as a result.  Something about the way Nitori said his name, in such a damn needy voice, made Rin want to pound him even harder.  Rin put one of his hands on Nitori’s dick he moved within Nitori, trying to give Nitori as much pleasure as possible.

Nitori moaned loudly, “Ri-Rin, fuck.  You’re so fucking big, and so fucking amazing.  This is in-incredible.  Oh fu-fuck-”

The alcohol also helped.  He felt on top of the world, he was buzzed and being fucked by an unbelievably attractive man.  Rin had a very sexy, toned body.

“Nitori,” Rin groaned a bit.

This made Nitori moan even louder and beg for it more, “Please, please Rin, harder, please!”

Rin obeyed and went faster, Nitori was versatile but so, so tight.  Rin had been afraid of hurting him, but it was clear that the smaller man wanted more.

“Ah, yes - that’s it, b-better!  Way better, more Rin, please - please give me more!”

Rin was slamming into Nitori’s prostate at this point, and he was hitting him hard.  Feeling Nitori tightening his muscles around Rin’s dick made it even harder for Rin to hold back, “Nitori,” Rin growled.

Nitori smiled, knowing what was going to happen soon, he had felt it too.

“Nitori, I’m gonna…-”

Nitori panted interrupting him, “Ah-yes Rin pleaseeee!  Please cum with me, ah!  Please!  Please fill me up, ah!  Feels so fucking good~”

Rin obeyed and felt himself begin to ejaculate, Nitori did the same, with some of his cum hitting Rin’s chest and the rest falling onto himself.  Nitori moaned loud enough for the rest of his hall to hear, not that Rin minded.  He enjoyed listening to Nitori cumming, as Nitori’s moaning was half of what had made Rin cum.

Afterwards, he slowly pulled out and threw the condom in the garbage.  He grabbed a towel from his private bathroom, and put some warm water on it.  Rin washed himself off and then grabbing another towel and wettening it, brought it back to Nitori who was still breathing heavily.  He gently wiped off Nitori.

The look in Nitori’s eyes was of pure contentedness, “That was incredible.”

The redhead agreed.

After cleaning Nitori up, Rin joined Nitori in the bed and they fell asleep together.  In the morning, Rin and Nitori agreed that it was just a hookup, nothing more and that they’d see each other in class.  After Nitori left, Rin fell back into his bed, “What the fuck am I doing?”

 

XXX

 

During the next class something about Haruka seemed rather off.  That or the professor had simply been able to do whatever she needed by herself.  Either way, she didn’t ask for Haruka’s help and he wasn’t quite as chipper as usual.  Rin took note of all of this.  Nitori had blushed a bit when he saw Rin, and that was okay, but Rin had only wanted a hookup.  He had been bummed about Haruka after all.  Nagisa raised a brow at Rin and smirked, and Rin only rolled his eyes.  It wasn’t like Nagisa hadn’t known what was going to happen when he left the two of them alone at the Ramen place.

Rin brought a new copy of the paper with him, and at the end of their class, he turned into the professor.  Haruka stayed after class for this portion, so that Rin could properly thank him in front of her.  Not that Haruka looked particularly like he cared about any of it.  Something about his body language said that he just wanted to get the hell out of there.  Not that Rin cared to stay extra long either.

The professor seemed delighted that Haruka had helped Rin and that Rin had written his second draft.  Haruka and Rin went outside into the hallway and Rin spoke with him briefly.  Haruka began, “Thanks for the champagne.  Makoto really enjoyed it.”

Rin nodded awkwardly.

“Not that it fixed much.  He and I broke up once and for all.  Long distance is too difficult,” at least, that was the explanation he’d go with for Rin.

“Oh,” So, he had been from abroad.  Rin was a bit curious about why Haruka was telling him this.

Haruka sighed, “I saw you with that first year the other night.”

Rin raised his brows.  He saw me with Nitori?

“So, are you starting something with him?”

“No,” it was true.  But, Rin couldn’t be sure how clear that was to Nitori.

Haruka nodded, “Well, I guess I’ll see you around then.”

He started to walk off, but Rin stopped him.  Something about the dark haired man made Rin’s blood boil, “Wa-wait.”

Haruka turned around.

“You wanna grab coffee some time?”

“I don’t drink coffee,” Haruka replied.

Rin started to make a face, but Haruka said, “Beer, however, I can do.”

Rin smiled, “When?”

“Whenever you want a good, hard fuck.”

Rin raised his eyebrows, he knew that Haruka had this sort of side, but he was so damn confusing.  Totally one way in the classroom and someone completely different outside of it.  They were barely out of their professor’s earshot.  That mysteriousness was what attracted Rin to him.  But, Rin was not exactly new to flirting either, not missing a beat, he offered, “Now?”

Haruka smiled, “I’d like that.”

The pair went to a bar near campus.  Rin bought the drinks and handed two shots to Haruka.  Haruka was a bit surprised, “So much so fast?”

Rin nodded, “I wanna see you good and drunk.”

Haruka smirked, “Based on the other night, I’d have to guess that my tolerance is better than yours.”

“What happened that night anyway?”

“Not much.  You called me, sounded pretty sick, so I went to go find you.  Then when I did, I discovered that you had puked a shitton.  I took you back to my place, you came onto me and kissed me, but something was obviously wrong with you.  You insisted on sleeping naked,” Rin totally blushed, but Haruka continued, “which I also did, as it was my apartment, and then, you crashed.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it,” Haruka threw back the shots.  Rin did them too.

“How embarrassing.”

“I found it cute.”

“That’s nice, tonight’s going to be different though,” Rin stated, his voice was coarse.  He didn’t like the fact that Haruka had seen him so exposed.  The playing field felt uneven.

Haruka smirked, “I should let you know something, speaking of that.”

Rin raised a brow.

“If we do fuck, I’m going to be the one inside of you, and I don’t use protection.”

Rin raised his brows further, he felt himself get a bit hard.  He had never done it without protection, and even though he knew that was dangerous, there was something so simplistically sexy about the way that Haruka laid it out, that made him want to say fuck it, and just let Haruka do whatever he wanted to Rin.  Forget it, he thought, I can’t keep up with Haruka.  I’ll just have to let him win.

“And yes, I want to.  I wanted to that night and I’ve wanted to since I first laid eyes on you in class.  But, once we fuck, I don’t want to see you again outside of class, okay?  I just find you hot and I want to try you out.  After that, I don’t want to see you again.”

“Hmm?”  Rin asked.  He wasn’t normally one for taking things seriously, but he wanted to be different with Haruka.  Something about Haruka just drew him in.  He wanted to know more about Haruka, and be close to Haruka.  Especially, especially, if Haruka was going to do him without any protection.  Isn’t that supposed to be more intimate?

Haruka exhaled, “I’m not looking for something serious.  I just got out of something very serious.  You look fun.  I only want fun and I only want it for one night.  I just want to take a night off from my life.”

Rin nodded slowly.  He was starting to feel the alcohol in his body after all, and that made him pretty much open to anything.  He knew one thing for certain, he wanted to fuck Haruka.  He didn’t care whether Haruka fucked him or vice versa, but he wanted to have something happen with Haruka.  The rest of it, they could figure out later.

After that, they went back to Haruka’s place.  Rin liked Haruka’s place, even though it was small.  Haruka got some watermelon out of his fridge along with some soju and mixed them up together.  Rin and Haruka drank some of that and then, Haruka moved in to kiss Rin.

The kiss was completely electric for Rin.  There had been nothing in the world like it for him, and Haruka had to agree, when he bumped tongues with Rin, it had been amazing.

But, there was only one Makoto and even if his mind and heart didn’t seem affected, his body knew it.

 

XXX

 

XXX

 

Their kissing was fueled by mutual desire.  Rin had imagined this moment a few times, and now that he was experiencing it, he found himself completely engulfed.  He was completely unaware of anything else.  When Haruka pulled back, Rin was suddenly aware of how tipsy he actually was.  The room was a bit fuzzier and he felt light.

Haruka went into the kitchen and procured a bong, “You want to?”

Rin nodded, feeling a little surprised that he was about to smoke a highly illegal substance with one of the most uptight guys in his class.  Well, he did live in America at some point, Rin thought.  He wondered if Makoto had also smoked, but he didn’t ask.  Even though he was a bit tipsy, he knew that would have been an inappropriate question.

Haruka began to press the weed into the bowl and grabbed a lighter.  Then, he offered Rin the first hit.  This embarrassed Rin a bit.  Rin hated lighting weed in a bong.  Part of the problem was that he rarely ever smoked out of a bong.  He preferred joints.  The rest of the problem was that he had had a bad experience and ever since then, he was somewhat afraid of lighting up.  Once, when he had been an undergrad, he accidentally burned his finger while lighting.  He was too high to feel the burn at the time, that was the one good part, but for the next couple of weeks it was sore.

As a result, Rin asked Haruka if he’d light him up.  Haruka didn’t seem to be too phased by it and did.  Rin sucked in the smoke and held it for a good minute.  Then, he began to cough.  

“Fuck.  That was a big hit,” Haruka looked impressed, “when I cough like that, I know I’m going to be stoned for the rest of the night.”

Rin shrugged.  Weed had slightly unusual effects on him.  He wasn’t like slammed with a high, or rather, he couldn’t exactly appreciate the weed high like most people got.  He knew it affected him enough to know he shouldn’t do anything strenuous.  He wasn’t going to like drive a car or going to operate machinery, but it wasn’t like he felt on top of the moon.  There were other drugs that he felt gave him more of a high, like the Molly that Nagisa shared with him a few weeks ago.  This hit would do something for him, because it had been a big one, and he might feel some high, but mostly, weed simply gave him a shitton of energy.  He wouldn’t be able to sleep now until like five am.  Rin’s body was kind of unusual with pot.  

Haruka took a quick hit, no fanfare and slowly smoked the rest of the bowl.  He offered more to Rin, but Rin waved him away.  He knew that first hit would carry him for the night.

“You smoke a lot?” Rin asked, mostly for conversational purposes.

Haruka nodded, “Pretty much every night.  I have like no lung capacity,” he laughed and coughed a bit.

Rin slightly regretted asking.

When Haruka finished the bowl, he smiled, “Much better.  You want something else to drink?”

Rin drank a few glasses of water to wet his palate again from the smoke and Haruka fixed him some watermelon soju.  They drank a bit more and resumed kissing.  To Haruka’s surprise, Rin was the one to begin to tug at Haruka’s pants.  They pulled back long enough to remove everything but their boxers and inched over to Haruka’s bed.

“You really don’t use protection?” Rin asked between breaths.

Haruka shook his head, and went in to kiss Rin again.  Seeing Rin’s expression he said, “I like feeling everything.  If you don’t want to do it, we don’t have to.”

“I didn’t say that,” Rin snapped.  He did want it, especially now, he was extremely hard, and he sure as hell was not about to stop midway through, especially now that he was high and drunk, he just thought it was odd.

Haruka shrugged, “Up to you.”

To show he meant it, he leaned in to kiss Haruka again and removed Haruka’s boxers.  Haruka’s eyebrows rose a bit, and he felt his dick get freed.  He did the same and removed Rin’s boxers.

Rin fell onto his back on the bed.  Haruka grabbed some lube from the bedside table and began to slide them into Rin.  Even though Rin was high, he could feel Haruka sliding them in him.  He groaned softly and Haruka felt his dick twitch with excitement.

Rin begged Haruka to stop teasing, “Pleaseeeee, please, come on, please.”

Haruka continued to prep him though.  Rin stopped being patient, “Haruka,” Rin demanded.

But, Haruka shushed him, “Hold on, Rin.”

Rin huffed a bit, but he stopped being upset when he felt Haruka slid inside of him, “S-so good, Haruka.”

“Mm!” Haruka moaned slightly, Rin was tight, and generally different than Makoto.  He was the perfect person to have fun with.  Haruka pushed himself deeper into Rin.

This caused Rin to groan with pleasure, “Ha-Haaaaru, ah!”

Haruka continued to move inside of Rin, causing Rin to moan louder and louder.  He was exceptionally loud, but the men were too drunk to notice their noise level.  Besides, both of them were busy experiencing immense pleasure, “Please, Haru, please more!”

Haruka obliged the redhead, “Ri-Rin, you feel so fucking incredible, holy shit.”

Haruka ran his hands down Rin’s stomach to his hips, causing Rin to bite his lip.  Haruka’s touch caused Rin’s insides to lighten.  Something about the whole event felt surreal for both men.  With every thrust, Rin couldn’t help but wonder how the hell he had ended up here, below Haruka, being fucked hard, and then suddenly, Haruka would push harder causing Rin to forget everything and be unable to focus on anything except Haruka.

“Rin,” Haruka said suddenly, and it was different than a moan.  This was an indication of what was going to come next.

Rin shook his head knowingly, “Not yet.”

Haruka tried slowed down to regain control, but Rin didn’t allow that either.  Rin enjoyed keeping Haruka on the edge, “If - you - do that,” Haruka moaned between breaths, “I’m - going - to”

Rin was tightening his muscles in his ass not allowing Haruka to leave easily and making it tighter when Haruka moved around.  His expression was daring.

Haruka held back as long as he could, but he could feel himself hitting the other man’s prostate and it felt good.  It felt so, so good.  Rin felt good too, Rin felt too good to keep teasing Haruka.  His arms gripped the covers of Haruka’s bed tightly, “Ha-Haru.”

Haruka nodded knowingly, “Rin, I’m gonna fill you up.”

Rin moaned in agreement.

“Ri-Rin, I- ah!  Rin, I’m gonna cum, Rin ah!” Haru moaned loudly, Rin could feel Haruka’s dick spasm inside of him, sending him over the edge too.

“M-me too!  Ah, Haruka, ah!” and some of Rin’s cum hit Haruka’s stomach, while the rest fell onto his own.

Haruka pulled out from Rin slowly.  Both men were panting heavily.  They’d had a fabulous time.  Haruka crashed onto the bed next to Rin and thanked him, “Tonight was perfect.”

Rin looked over at Haruka confused.  Haruka said things to Rin that were generally confusing.  Rin wondered if his manner of speaking was intentionally frustrating.

“Thank you for that, Rin.  You were better than I expected, and I really needed that.  It was truly a perfect night.”  For a minute, I escaped.

Rin said nothing in reply.  He had expected more.  He wanted Haruka to rinse off and the two of them to go take a shower and do more, but it was clear that Haruka was spent.  This would have been fine with Rin, if he could have had more of Haruka on a regular basis.  He wanted to understand the mystery man.  Haruka went to the other room to grab a towel to clean himself off and Rin off.  Rin stayed on the bed thinking.  It had been great for him too.  But, not perfect.  He wanted more.  He wanted it to happen again, but Haruka had said that was impossible earlier on.  If it happened again, that would be closer to perfect.

 

XXX

 

The following morning felt like deja vu for Rin.  He awoke naked wrapped in a sheet.  And his lungs were filled with the taste of smoke.  Haruka was leaning against the headboard taking a drag.  The ashtray on the bedside table was packed densely, full of used cigarettes.  Rin wondered how long Haruka had been smoking this morning.  

Haruka was also naked under his sheet.  Rin looked up at Haruka, but Haruka kept his face forward.  He didn’t look at Rin.

Rin looked out at a view of Tokyo from the window next to Haruka’s bed.  Then, he crawled out of the bed and started to dress himself.  Haruka seemed to come back to reality and looked at Rin, “Like it never happened.”

Rin agreed, “Yeah, I know that’s what you want, but for the record, I’d like to date you.”

“Not interested in that,” Haruka crushed the most recently finished cigarette into the ashtray.

Rin sighed, “I know.  I just...I find something about you absolutely insanely attractive.  I have since the first day of class.  I thought you annoyed me, but it was something else.  You’re magnetic, Haruka.”

Haruka smiled, “Thanks.  But, attraction only goes so far,” he smugly added, “Isn’t that what you learned in Relationships and Writing last Spring?”

Haruka was referring to one of the core courses that they had to take for their graduate degree, which would have been required for second year status.  Rin glared at him, “Ass.”

Haruka laughed, and for once, Rin believed it was truly from his heart.

“You should get going,” Haruka said.

“No breakfast?”

Haruka eyed the redhead, “Can you even cook?”

Rin nodded, “Yes.”

“Can you cook better than you write?”

“Fuck you.”

Haruka laughed again.  Even Rin had to crack a smile at that, Haruka may have been snarky, but Rin enjoyed seeing him smiling.  He hadn’t noticed it before when he was drunk, but Haruka almost never truly smiled.

“You could have had fabulous eggs, salmon, the whole shebang.  But, for that, for that you get nothing.”

Haruka didn’t move to stop him, but he continued smiling, “See you in class.”

Rin left the apartment feeling generally used by the other man.  Not that he hadn’t enjoyed himself.

 

XXX

 

“So that was someone in your program?”

Haruka nodded.

“You never say much about them,” well, not anymore.  Although, back then, you weren’t the most open about anything either.  Just to me.

“They’re all stupid and boring,” Haruka replied.  As an afterthought, he added, “you’re the only person in the world who doesn’t bore me, Makoto.”

Makoto had to sigh.  It was hard for anyone to be Haruka’s level.  Haruka was one of the smartest people in the universe.  A genius, it had been said.  One in a decade, no, one in a generation.  One in one hundred years.  Not that Makoto was particularly dumb either, but nothing compared to Haruka.  Being a genius made Haruka extra lonely.  No one ever seemed to understand him.  Before the accident, he could fake being extroverted, but after it, he no longer saw the purpose.  As a result, he became even more enclosed and more lonely.  The loneliness seemed to eat him alive.  Haruka seemed permanently locked in his own brain.  Locked away even from Makoto.

Haruka was lying when he said that Makoto never bored him.  But, he was smart enough to know that not lying would have hurt Makoto.  And he had hurt Makoto enough already.  Makoto himself knew it was at least half a lie.  A white lie, but a lie nonetheless.  In truth, Makoto knew he definitely did bore Haruka.  Everyone bored Haruka.  Makoto was only different in Haruka’s mind because Makoto was endlessly kind to Haruka, “You seemed to like him?  You liked him enough to help him with his paper.”

Haruka lit a cigarette, which made Makoto frown.  Haruka tried not to smoke in front of Makoto.  After all, according to Makoto, Haruka never smoked before the accident, that was some sort of side effect.  As much as possible, Haruka tried to pretend to be past Haruka, the Haruka before the incident.  Still, Haruka was craving a cig, “The professor asked me to.  I’m not sure how much I helped him, he’s incredibly dumb.  And a completely shitty writer.  But, I will say, there’s something about him that’s just amusing.  He’s the kind of person you just want to pick on.  That champagne was a nice gesture,” the two of them were sharing it now in fact.

Makoto narrowed his eyes, “Do you like him?”

Haruka snorted, “That’s impossible and you know it.”

Makoto slowly nodded, “Yeah...”

“I don’t want you to go back to California,” It was rare for Haruka to express an opinion like this, but Makoto’s fall break was ending and he’d be going back to the states soon.

It made Makoto a little happy, “You know that I have to.”

“I wish I could have stayed there forever.  I hate Japan,” Haruka said.

“Haruka,” Makoto began.

Haruka closed his eyes, “I know,” thinking he knew what Makoto was going to say.

Makoto sighed, “I...I don’t think I’ll be coming back here again.”

Haruka’s face was blank, but he had been expecting this at some point, “You want to break up?”

“Haruka, it’s been a long time since we’ve really been together.”

Haruka said nothing.  This wasn’t a new conversation between the two of them.  Not exactly.

“Haruka,” Makoto sighed, “You don’t love me.  Not anymore.  Not since what happened.”

Haruka closed his eyes, love was an emotion he didn’t understand.  He had supposedly originally entered this graduate program for other reasons.  He supposedly had wanted to become a teacher.  He had supposedly wanted to enlighten students and young people to the written word, but now, he stayed because he wanted to become a scholar of literature in order to understand love.  He wanted to understand thousands of years worth of people’s thoughts and ideas on love in writing around the world.  And yet, no matter how many papers he wrote about it, it wasn’t the same.  Haruka never felt like anything tied him to anyone else beyond pure happenstance.  Like Makoto said, Haruka never felt anything like love since the accident.  He hardly believed it when Makoto told him that he had once been very emotional.  Even so, he said, “You matter more to me than anyone in the world.”

“I know that.”

“I know why you’ve stayed with me so long.”

Makoto closed his eyes.

“But, you can’t do it anymore?”

“It’s too difficult for me to be like this, Haruka.  I just...I’ve tried so hard to support you, but you’re not the same person anymore.  Your personality completely changed, and I’m a neuroscientist, Haruka.  I know what this all means.  I have since the beginning.  I wanted to believe that years of science and scientific inquiry could be wrong.  I wanted to believe my practice was wrong, but it’s not.  And there’s no reason for you to pretend for me, it’s not real.  And I can see in your eyes, I can see that I’m not what you want.  Sexually, sure.  But, in terms of a relationship, you’ve got no desire for me.  Nothing.”

Haruka didn’t disagree, and Makoto continued, “I hope someday, some medicine or something brings everything back for you -

“Well, maybe not.  That’s selfish of me to wish.  What I want, more than anything, is for you to find someone who or something which makes you happy,” like you used to make me.  Like I used to make you.

Makoto touched Haruka’s face gently, “Haruka, you know, if you ever need anything, I’d be there in a heartbeat.”

Haruka nodded, “I understand.  If I were you, I’m sure I wouldn’t be able to do this either.  I’m sure I would have ended it sooner.”

Makoto smiled softly, “It’s okay, Haruka.  You don’t have to lie anymore on my behalf.”

Haruka closed his eyes.  And he wished badly that he could remember something and feel something.  Anything.  But, there was nothing.  His mind was blank, just like always, just like the day he woke up.

 

XXX

 

“Makoto,” Haruka was happy.  Haruka was smiling, he was so damn proud of himself, “you’ll never guess what happened.  I got the fellowship.  I’ll be studying in America by your side for a year.”

Makoto was unsurprised, but he did smile, “Of course you did, Haruka.”

“There was no way to know that,” Haruka smiled back.  He was happy, so, so happy, “we’re going to be together abroad, and then, when we come back I’ll finish my degree, you’ll have finished your post-doc studies, and we’ll be together forever.  Japan, California, it doesn’t matter.  It’s you and me against the fucking world!”

Makoto held tightly onto Haruka, they had their problems, everyone did, but he loved Haruka and Haruka loved him, “We have to celebrate.”

“Celebrate?  Why?  The whole next year is going to be one giant celebration.  I’m going to be a visiting scholar at Stanford with you.  Maybe I’ll even take neuro language courses and sit in class with you,” Haruka teased.

Makoto rolled his eyes “I can’t imagine you doing anything of the sort.”

“That’s because what you study is boring.”

“You were made for teaching kids, Haruka, but that doesn’t mean that you get to mock what I do,” Makoto glared at him.

Haruka laughed, “I’d never be interested in a Ph. D. though like you.  Or anything of the sort.”

“You’d do it well though, you’re frighteningly smart,” This was true.  Annoyingly true occasionally.  Makoto sometimes envied Haruka’s intelligence.  Makoto may have been studying a subject that was traditionally considered associated solely with “geniuses”, but Haruka blew him out of the water.  Haruka could read Makoto’s books and remember them without effort.  He simply didn’t enjoy them.  Makoto was smart too, that’s why he studied what he studied, but it took effort for him.  It took time.

Haruka rolled his eyes.

Makoto kissed him, “I’m serious about celebrating though.”

Haruka shook his head.

Makoto nodded, “We’re going to take a trip and it’s going to be amazing.”

“Okay, fine.  Where are we going?”

“I’ll rent a car, and we’ll drive to important places in Japan you’ve never seen.”

Haruka narrowed his eyes, but then, he smirked, this was an inside joke between the two of them.  Makoto, as a Japanese American, had travelled much more extensively within Japan than Haruka, and although he was not fully Japanese, he was more aware of Japanese culture than even Haruka himself, who was fully Japanese, “Like where?”

“Like the Daibutsu in Kamakura.  How have you not been there, Haruka?” Makoto shook his head, “it’s not even like an hour away.”

“Why do you want to rent a car?” Haruka asked curiously.

Makoto smiled, “Because that’s how it works in California.  Everybody drives.  You’ve got to get used to it.”

“I don’t even have a license.”

“I know.  It could be practice.”

“You’ll be the teacher for once, Makoto,” Haruka smiled.

Makoto kissed him, “I’m so happy, Haruka.  I’ve never been this happy in my life.”

Haruka kissed him back, “We can go on a drive.  That sounds nice, but I’d like to start celebrating now.”

Makoto deepened the kiss, “Yeah, me too.”

And it was nice.  They were happy, but, all good things come to an end.

 

XXX

 

Haruka was seated in the passenger seat next to Makoto, "I can't believe you actually rented a car."

Makoto smiled, "This is how it had to be Haruka."

The two of them were going on a month long trip around Japan.  They had left out of Tokyo and were on their first stop going to Kamakura, "This is taking forever," Haruka groaned.

"California isn't like Japan, Haruka, there aren't many trains there and the ones that are there are sometimes slower than the cars."

"Impossible.  How am I going to survive when I'm there?" Haruka complained, but he was quite excited for the trip.  He was going to live with Makoto abroad for a whole year.  They were going to get to travel around America together just like they were travelling around Japan right now.  Haruka had known Makoto since he was a child, and Makoto had always gone back to the states for the summers.  Haruka always enjoyed hearing Makoto's stories about America and had longed to travel with him there.

"I'll drive you around some," Makoto smiled, "but, you should pay close attention Haruka, or you're never going to pass your driver's test."

Haruka sighed.

They had been together a long time, but Haruka was excited for the new location.  Even though he knew he could never be bored while he was with Makoto, he had been afraid of the distance between them when he first found out that Makoto was accepted to transfer to Stanford to continue his doctoral research.  Haruka and Makoto were the same age and had been in school the same number of years, and even gone to the same schools their whole lives.  But during college Makoto took many more classes than Haruka.  Not that Makoto was smarter than Haruka, no, Haruka was actually smarter than Makoto, but Haruka had always been rather lazy with his schooling.

As a result, Haruka attended a Master's program at the same university, Tokyo University, where Makoto had already completed first year of doctoral study, but Makoto decided to transfer to Stanford's program for his third year because of their neuroscientific fame.  Haruka had been proud of him, but the expected five plus years of a doctoral program was a long time to spend apart.  That was why Haruka had agreed to apply for the fellowship.  The fellowship would allow him to go to California for a year too.  He could then, come back to Tokyo and finish up his Master's and rejoin Makoto in California.  He'd find a way to teach in California.  Or work.  Something.  They’d worry about the future when they got there.  Either way, this was going to be a perfect year.

But, it didn't work out that way exactly.  

 

XXX

 

They had a lot of fun when on their trip.  After all, life was simple.  During the day, they went to different places in Japan.  They saw temples, museums, castles, and other historic sites.  They even made a stop to see a full size Gundam.  During the evening, Makoto would give Haruka driver's ed lessons near whichever Ryokan they were staying in at that particular time.  And then, at night, they would share a bath and drink sake while snacking on local delicacies, and curl up together in their futons.

They were in love and it was perfect.

Until one night, just outside of Nara, while Haruka was practicing driving and following Makoto's directions, their car was hit suddenly.

"Haruka, you're too far over in the lane, get more in the center," Makoto said sheepishly.

Haruka sighed, "Cars suck.  Seriously, why am I even doing this? You're going to have to drive me everywhere."

Makoto laughed, "Haru, you're literally a genius.  This is a basic skill.  People who are still in high school can drive cars.  You’ve finished your first year of a Master’s program in Japan’s top University and you’re about to go to one of the best Universities in the US.  You can definitely do this.  Just pay attention to the road."

"Can't we go back yet?" Haruka whined, he knew that he was being a brat, but he wanted to go take a bath with Makoto.  As much as he enjoyed the site seeing, what happened at night was his favorite part of the trip.

Makoto rolled his eyes, "Fiiiiiine, but I'm not going to drive you anywhere in California.  All the road signs will be in English, and the driving there is less polite, so -"

Makoto cut his sentence off midway when he saw a driver going way past the speed limit, and swerving in the road coming towards them.

"Haruka!" Makoto shouted, and he leaned over to take some control of the car.

Haruka semi-froze, he didn’t know what to do and everything happened quickly.

Makoto was shouting and he had reached over to slam on the horn.  Haru hit the brakes as hard as possible and tried to turn away from the oncoming car, but nothing could be done.

And then, there was darkness.

 

XXX

 

Haruka awoke in a hospital almost two weeks later.  He had been on life support and was in a forced coma to try to protect his brain.  Makoto had sat beside him most of the entire time.

"Let me look at him!" Makoto shouted in the ambulance.  He could barely turn his head because the EMS was holding him down.

"Sir - Sir please relax!  Please calm down!"

"But, his head, I'm a neuroscientist I need to talk to his doctor about his head injury!!"

"Sir, please calm down -- Sir you are wounded too, we have to look after your wounds first.  Then, you can go to him."

"I can't!  I’m worried about him! You must look after him first, he -"

"Shut up!"

Makoto stared at the emergency service person.

"Listen to me, and look at yourself. I get that you want to help him, but you when you pulled him out of the shattered glass, you did serious damage to your arm, and if I do not look at that you are at risk of dying of blood loss," while he spoke, he tried to put pressure on Makoto’s arm and hand to stop the bleeding.

Suddenly, Makoto was aware of his own pain and he blacked out.  

 

XXX

 

"Haruka?" Haruka pointed to himself, then he added thoughtfully, "I have a girl's name..."

Makoto felt tears form in his eyes, "Haruka...do you know where you are?"

Haruka looked around, he couldn't exactly move yet, he felt weak, but he felt doped up enough to not be fully aware of his pain.  His voice was flat, unemotional, "Hospital?"

Makoto nodded slowly, "Do you know who I am?"

Haruka stared at Makoto, he was smart.  Very smart, and even though he didn't know the answer, he tried to fake it.  The person across from him was obviously someone close to him, but he had blonde-ish hair.  Haruka could see his reflection in a mirror in the room, Haruka didn’t have the same hair color, "My half-brother?"

Makoto closed his eyes, I expected this.  I knew this was going to be the case, but living this is so much worse than I could have ever imagined.  How do my patients do this?  Makoto replied, "I am not your brother...My name is Makoto...we are...lovers, and w-we," Makoto steadied his voice, "we were on a trip together.  Do you remember what happened?"

Haruka tried.  He tried hard to remember something.  Anything.  But, his mind was empty, he slowly shook his head.

Makoto exhaled, "What is the last thing you remember? Anything?"

"I don't know.  I'm sorry, I just...I don't know," he felt strangely calm about the whole thing.  It bothered him to see the pained expression on Makoto's face, not that he understood why.  He suspected that deep down even though he couldn’t remember, his subconscious did.

Makoto winced, “There’s a lot I’m going to have to speak with your doctor and with you about.”

A slightly fearful expression appeared on Haruka’s face and Makoto realized how grave he must have sounded.  He sighed, “It’s going to be okay, Haruka.  I promise.”

 

XXX

 

“What is the prognosis, Doctor?” Makoto asked, “He obviously remembers nothing.  I’ve looked at his MRIs and at everything, but I just…”

It was hard for Makoto to be rational and objective.  He had studied this for years and he could guess what everything from the accident meant, but he just couldn’t fathom that it could happen to someone so important in his own life.

“There’s not much actual damage to his memory, he’s had some damage to his emotional areas in the brain.  As a result, he may be different in terms of his personality, than you remember him, or he may develop habits that you’ve never seen.  Frankly though, you should be happy there are no language deficits, nor true memory damage,” The Doctor spoke to Makoto with less bedside manner because he knew that Makoto was a doctoral student in the field.  He had studied under some of the same professors as Makoto when he did his medical degree.

Makoto sighed, “So, he could get his memory back,” it sounded like a question, but it was a statement.  The memory damage at least was supposedly psychological more than physical.  He agreed with the doctor that it had been a blessing that Haruka did not develop a language deficiency.  The emotional aspect though would be problematic, “I’ll send him to a psychologist who may be able to help with the trauma and help him get his memory back.”

The doctor nodded, “Do you have any other concerns?”

“Yes,” Makoto replied, “as you know, I am planning to transfer and go to Stanford in two weeks, but I -”

“You have to go.  You must continue your future,” the doctor answered, “He can rest here and eventually he will be able to join you.”

Makoto sighed, “That’s not really the issue.  He was supposed to attend school there too.”

“He should really take this year off.”

“I’d imagine that his fellowship will be fine, and he could do it next year,” Makoto thought out loud, “but I’m concerned about whether or not he’ll be able to perform sufficiently.”

The doctor sighed, no matter how many of these cases he had done over the years, there was nothing more devastating than brain related injury, “You said ‘Stanford’?”

Makoto nodded.

“I know some people there.  They have a hospital there that is pretty good, and as I’m sure you know, since you’re transferring there, they have a fabulous neuro program.  Let me see if I can transfer the patient there...if those doctors will allow it, you can try to bring him back up to speed on his Master’s program.  That content should actually be retained.  He may not know why he knows it or he may have forgotten some things as a result of his general memory deficiency, but ultimately, he should be okay.  I’m more concerned about the pressure that he will be under psychologically,” the doctor rubbed his temples.

Makoto thanked him, “I would appreciate your help in moving Haruka.  I think it would be better for him to be close to me.  He’s not close with his family or with anyone really.  Not like with me.”

The doctor nodded, “I just want him to take some time off.  You should see what their doctors think.  If he is as smart as he seems, his recovery should happen quickly.”

This was something relatively positive and it caught Makoto off-guard a bit, “You think?”

“I do.  But, Makoto,” and this the Doctor said slowly with care, “he may not ever get his memory back.  He may not ever remember you.”

Makoto narrowed his eyes, “I know.  We’ll make it work.”

And it was easy to say that then, but as time went on, it was impossible.

 

XXX

 

XXX

 

“I’m not going to go to the therapist anymore,” Haruka declared one day.  They were sitting on the couch in their apartment in California.  Makoto was reading a book for school and Haruka was reading an article about California wineries in a travel magazine.  Haruka seemed to like California.  Makoto had been concerned about bringing Haruka to yet a foreign country, as even Japan had become foreign to Haruka.  

But, Haruka seemed happy here.  At least as far as Makoto could tell.  It was hard for Makoto to read this new Haruka.  The new Haruka expressed his emotions explicitly, and as a result, Makoto found dealing with Haruka to be challenging for the first time ever.  Previously, Makoto read the small subtle signs in Haruka’s moods and determined the larger emotions that those signs expressed.  Now, Haruka was far more expressive while being far more distant.  He seemed to be the most comfortable with Makoto, but he acted differently toward Makoto.  In general, it was hard on Makoto, but Makoto did his best to not express that to Haruka.

It had been selfish of Makoto to bring Haruka to California rather than leaving him in Japan.  But, Makoto had to do it.  There was no way that he could be in California while Haruka was injured in Japan.  Makoto would have worried too much.  He could barely focus on anything other than Haruka even with Haruka nearby.  So far though, their life in California had been mostly pleasant.  

Makoto went to class.  Haruka went to the doctor.  Makoto followed Haruka’s appointments and treatments, and then, on the weekends, they would go to different places in California.  Haruka was oddly comfortable on their road trips given that the accident had occurred in a car, but the doctors decided that it was best for him to spend time in the car rather than to develop a phobia.

Makoto didn’t know how to answer Haruka’s declaration.  This was a troubling thing for Haruka to say.  The doctors had determined and Makoto agreed, that Haruka’s memory loss was not due to actual physical damage suffered, but rather to a psychological block.  It was only natural then that Haruka would go to therapy.  They continued to run tests, but if Haruka’s memories were going to come back, it was going to be after he got over whatever psychological block he had.

“Nothing is happening,” Haruka complained, “and I don’t like the therapist.”

“We can find you a different one.”

Haruka shook his head, “I don’t want a different one, they’re all going to be the same.  Hundreds of questions about the accident.  Hundreds of questions about my life.  Hundreds of questions about my feelings.  None of which I know the answer to.  You don’t understand, Makoto, it does nothing.”

Makoto sighed, “Haruka...he’s trying to figure out what is causing the block.  If you get angry, it’s only going to make it more difficult.”

Haruka frowned, “I’ll go again, but I just don’t think that it is doing anything.”

“Well, you have to at least get a passing review,” Makoto compromised, “if they pass you as stable, then you get to take classes.  I think you’d like that Haruka.”

Haruka nodded.  That much he was certain about.  Makoto had brought him some of his old books and while according to Makoto, his attention was drawn to different aspects of them, Haruka loved reading.  He was sure to love school.

Makoto got up from the couch and began to prepare their dinner.

Haruka asked softly, “Do you think I’ll ever get better?”

Makoto was glad that he wasn’t facing Haruka though he was sure that it was possible for Haruka to notice how his body tightened before he responded, “Emotionally, Haruka, you’ll have some permanent changes.  Well, who knows.  When your memories come back, you may emotionally go back to how you used to be…”

“Do you think my memories will come back?” This was not the first time that Haruka asked this question.  He asked it enough times that if Makoto had not known better, he would have wondered if Haruka had difficulty forming new memories.  But, Makoto knew, this was a question that formed from Haruka’s desperation and frustration.

Makoto nodded, “I do.”

But, as each day passed, his response came with less virility.

Haruka asked one more question, “Do you think the therapy will help?”

Makoto chewed on his lip, this one was harder for him to answer, finally, he replied, “I think that depends on you.”

Haruka sighed, “I’ll give it another shot then.”

“You don’t have to,” Makoto answered.

This response surprised Haruka.  He was still trying to figure out Makoto.  Everyone was a stranger, but Makoto was the most complex for him to understand.  He hadn’t expected Makoto to be willing to let Haruka stop therapy, “It’s fine.”

“Haruka, I think you should do what makes you feel best, I just think you’d be happier back in class and to get to do that, you have to pass the psych eval,” and with that, Makoto returned his attention to the stir-fry.

Haruka stayed on the couch, and tried once more to remember something.  Anything, he thought to himself.  He pictured Makoto’s face, and tried to remember seeing that face in the past, anything.

But, there was nothing.

 

XXX

 

Haruka kept his distance from Rin for the most part.  Occasionally, he’d say something to Rin, something which made it seem like Haruka was trying to engage Rin in conversation, but it was always awkward and the conversations never seemed to go the way that Rin wanted these conversations to go.  Rin figured that this was because of the bullshit that Haruka had talked about after their one night stand, and how Haruka claimed that he hadn’t wanted things to be serious, or whatever.

Tonight was one of the nights when Haruka spoke to Rin.  They had a proposal for their final paper due.  Rin had gone over to where Haruka was sitting to pick up the powerpoint slide printouts for their class.  Haruka was seated close to where the professor laid them.  Haruka looked up at Rin as he walked by, “I saw your post, were you able to decide on a topic?”

This made Rin almost jump.  He had friended Haruka on Facebook back when they had to work together as determined by their professor, but he hadn’t expected Haruka to be following his facebook posts.  He was a bit embarrassed that he had posted anything about the class now, given that after their tutoring session, Rin was pretty sure that Haruka thought he was an idiot.

“Um yeah,” Rin replied trying to remain cool.  Duh, Rin thought, our proposals were due after all.  Why are you asking something like that, Haruka?  Do you really think I wouldn’t have come up with anything to turn in?

Even so, Rin was surprised that Haruka had noticed the post, but he knew better than to read too much into the fact that Haruka had been looking at his Facebook page.  They had five minutes before class began, so Rin tried to keep the conversation going, “It’s a topic I think you’ll find interesting,” Rin smirked.

“Oh?” Haruka raised a brow.

Their class was on social issues and English, which made it pretty general.  Students in the class were able to pick their essay topics based on whether they cared more about how social issues affected English education or social issues and literature.  Rin knew that Haruka would probably go for the latter given that he was more of a researcher, but as someone who wanted to teach, Rin was more interested in the way that social issues affected education.  Still, he knew that his topic choice would interest Haruka, “Yeah.  I’m doing it about motivation.”

Haruka remained uninterested, but Rin went on, “You know.  People seem pretty motivated at the beginning of courses, but then, something changes and they get burnt out, but teachers re-motivate students and they get pulled back in again.  I’m interested in that.”

Haruka nodded slowly, trying to understand why Rin looked so determined while speaking.

Rin smiled, “It’s the same in everything, don’t you think, Haruka?  I’ve thought a lot about what you said about our Relationships and Writing course,” Rin paused and his voiced changed to mimic Haruka’s, “‘Attraction only goes so far.’”

Haruka’s lips spread apart, and he started to say something, but Rin slammed his hand on the desk, “That’s bullshit.  And I’m determined to prove that when you want it, you can stay interested.”

Haruka’s cheeks felt a bit hot, Rin was such an interesting guy.  Completely different than anyone else he had met.  Even though he couldn’t remember, he was sure of that much, but “Class is about to start, you should probably get seated.”

Rin sighed, and he went over to his seat.

At the end of class, Haruka left before Rin could ask him about his paper.  It was only fair that Rin ask, Rin thought, given that he had told Haruka about his paper.

He wasn’t able to catch Haruka.  The professor of the course spoke with him instead though, “Rin, I didn’t receive your email yet, but I’m looking forward to seeing your proposal.”

“Ah, yeah, I sent it just before class,” he hasn’t been able to get the sources out of the library until that afternoon, and he hadn’t wanted to submit the proposal until he had the proper sources.

What the professor said next caught him completely off-guard, “I’m looking forward to what you write.  I know you had a bit of a tough start in the course…”

Rin would have flushed, but the professor continued before he could react, “but, I’ve been really impressed with your homework assignments.  You bring an interesting perspective to the course, Rin.  You’re very thoughtful in your work.  I’m happy to have had you as a student.”

That made him turn dark red.  He was surprised that the professor felt this way.  Sure, he did a lot of work on his homework assignments, but he hadn’t expected her to notice that.

“I...I put a lot of work into the proposal,” Rin managed.

She nodded, “Good.  See you next week.”

 

XXX

 

Things had changed during the course of the last few years.  A shitton more changed in the last week.  Everything had changed.  Things were so different that Rin couldn’t explain easily how he had gotten to the place that he was now.  But, here he was.  And it was exciting and terrifying as all fuck to be here.

He looked around at the boxes in the apartment and sighed.  Well, those would have to wait for tomorrow, he thought.  He went into their kitchen, and discovered a note from Nagisa, “Excited for our first day?  Let’s get a nice dinner and celebrate tonight.  Then, we have to actually unpack.  XO.”

Rin smiled.  It was a little weird that this had happened with Nagisa, and that it had happened so quickly, and they were moving so fast.  Though, he knew that it was different for Nagisa.  It was hard for Rin to believe that he had actually quit his job and moved to California with Nagisa.  All in the span of a week.  It was hard to believe that they were actually here.  Traveling 5000 miles does that to you.  When you go far enough away, it seems like you go nowhere at all.  

It was even harder for Rin to believe that he was going to be getting a Doctoral degree at the prestigious Stanford University.  He closed his eyes and shook his head.  The words that Nagisa said in the bar in Shinjuku last week played over again and again in his head, “I applied to go back to school.  And...I talked to some of our old professors and they remembered you.  They may have filled out applications for you too.  I didn’t get in, but Rin...you did.”

It had been their Social Issues and English professor who had recommended Rin for this program.  She apparently had insisted that it was exactly where he belonged.  That’s what Nagisa said.  He had been that memorable as a student for her.  That alone was impossible for him to believe.  He let out a big sigh.  

And she seemed to be right, at least Stanford thought so.  Here he was.  He was going to be a student at Stanford in their English doctoral program.  Here he was living in an apartment in California with Nagisa.  His sister was subletting his apartment in Tokyo.  He closed his eyes for a minute and checked once again to make sure that it hadn’t been a dream.  

Our first days...he thought.  It was Rin’s first day as a doctoral student.  Meanwhile, Nagisa was about to have his first day teaching at a community college.  For Nagisa, this was living the dream.  For Rin, this was...well, Rin wasn’t sure.  Back when he was a Master’s student, Rin thought that he had everything about his life figured out.  Nagisa was the one who seemed lost at the time, but now everything had worked out for Nagisa.  It had taken some time, but Nagisa was living out his dream.  And what about Rin?  He was in a doctoral literature program now and for what?

Well, if nothing else, I’ve got somewhere around four or five years now to figure out what I’m going to do.  Rin sighed again.  Then, he noticed the pancakes that Nagisa had made.  They were in shapes and letters, “I <3 U” was written out several times.  Rin bit his lip.  He wasn’t used to this new relationship with Nagisa.  But then again, he had been enjoying himself with Nagisa.  Both of them were relatively experienced, and they knew what they enjoyed, so Nagisa was at least in his top ten.  But, this was a bigger deal for Nagisa than it had been for him.

Really, nothing in his life was in his control anymore, it seemed.  

Rin ate the pancakes, and then he grabbed his orientation packet.  He had gone to orientation the day before, and now, he was about to have his first day of classes.  

 

XXX

 

Nitori spent a lot of time trying to get Rin’s attention during their class.  Anytime there was group work, Nitori insisted on being paired with Rin, which somewhat annoyed Nagisa, who was used to being partnered with Rin in the rest of their classes.  There were other reasons that it annoyed Nagisa, but Rin didn’t learn about those until later.  As for Rin, while he liked the attention Nitori gave him, it put him in a difficult position.  Rin was always afraid to look across the room and see how this made Haruka react.  This was made worse by the fact that Rin was certain that if he were to look, Haruka would be having no reaction at all.  And that annoyed Rin.

Beyond his concerns about Haruka, Rin felt like he had to be overly cautious in every interaction with Nitori, because in his mind, if he didn’t, he’d be leading Nitori on.  Nitori was less interesting compared to Haruka.  Haruka was a complete mystery for Rin.  

For the moment though, he didn’t know how to handle Nitori exactly.  On the one hand, he knew that if he continued to sleep with Nitori, not only did that seem dangerous for the sake of the Nitori, who appeared to be a bit more interested in Rin than Rin was in him, but it would also make it difficult for anything to happen again between him and Haruka.  Rin looked across the classroom at Haruka, and sighed.  Haruka wasn’t interested in being with him anyway, Rin knew this.  Finally, Rin decided, “I’ll let it go, I’ll let it go until the end of the semester.  When I graduate, if Haruka isn’t around, and if Nitori is still by then, then we can try something.”

 

XXX

 

Rin sat down in the classroom and was wide-eyed looking around.  He sent a quick text message to Nagisa to say that he was sitting in his first class, and that he hoped that Nagisa’s first class went well.  Rin looked around the seminar room, trying to find a familiar face from the orientation who he could talk to.  He talked to some girls, and they laughed.  Everyone was younger than him in the program, but that didn’t bother him.  They enjoyed talking to him and asked him a whole bunch of questions about Japan, many of which were seemed like odd questions to Rin.  They weren’t rude exactly, but it’s always odd to answer questions about your own culture, because you don’t think of it as different, and you don’t usually think about your culture as much as other people from different ones do, so their questions are just generally odd.

“Is it true that there are people whose jobs are to push people onto the trains and squeeze more people in?”

But, at the same time, you’ve got to be able to laugh about the weird things in your own culture, and so Rin laughed and answered, “Yeah, it’s true.”

Another person spoke, a man, “I think our professor is supposed to be from Japan.”

“Uh really?” Rin asked, a bit nervous to ask the question.  He was having trouble remembering that he was in a super serious doctoral program now, and that everyone here had probably done research on the professors to figure out who they were going to do research with and so on.  Rin was just interested in figuring out what he wanted from life, but he tried to cover up his lack of familiarity with the program.

“It’s TBA on our schedules, but I heard that they assigned -” the guy started, but then the door opened.

Rin looked at the person who walked in with disbelief.  Yep.  We definitely have a professor from Japan.

The professor didn’t even look at the class until he was standing in front of it.  Then, his eyes met Rin’s and the color disappeared from his face.  Rin got out a notebook, mainly to make it look like he was going to be doing something productive.  He knew that whatever lecture their professor was going to give them, he was not going to hear a word of.

As for the professor, he looked away, and adjusted his collar.  Then, he moved over to the podium, he cleared his throat, and began.

 

XXX

 

Nagisa looked at his phone and smiled.  At least one of the two of them was having a good day.  Teaching adults in community college had been his dream, but this day was not going how it had when he had dreamt about it years ago.

Most people looked at Nagisa and thought that he would make the perfect preschool or elementary school teacher.  But, the truth was that he preferred teaching adults.  This was because he felt like progress for adults was more meaningful to the adults.  Seeing how happy adults got over improvements in their writing and advancements in their education was meaningful to Nagisa.  He truly believed that hard work paid off and it was nice to see that proven by his students.

Unfortunately, today was not going as planned.  There had been some mistake in his contract, and while he had thought that he had been hired to have his own class, he was actually hired as a trainer.  Being a teacher trainer was fine, except that Nagisa had not had much actual classroom experience.  It is difficult to get teachers to listen to people that have not actually been in the field.  This is true of every profession, and is especially true in teaching.  Who wants to listen to someone tell them how to teach when they have less teaching experience?

Nagisa had apparently been hired because he was an expert in English language testing.  This is what he had been doing in Japan.  He hated testing, but he was good at taking tests and he was even better at designing tests.  He had been hired fresh out of their master’s program to do testing design.  This was not what he had wanted to do, but he had massive student loans, and testing services paid well.  It turned out that the community college who had hired him, hired him to fix their dismal testing system to better match those of the schools where students would be applying after they completed their time in community college and to develop a program which would train students how to pass these tests.  

The job they wanted him to do was essentially to teach teachers how to teach to the tests.  And if it wasn’t bad enough that he would be doing testing work again which he hated, it was made all the more worse by the fact that he was going to have to deal with the fact that the teachers would have no respect for him.

Nagisa frowned.  He was drinking a coffee while waiting for his meeting with the first teacher that he was supposed to observe.  Rei Ryugazaki, the first name on the list was Japanese.  Nagisa felt jealous of this guy.  He was Japanese just like Nagisa, and yet, he was doing Nagisa’s dream job, and Nagisa was stuck doing an even worse version of his past job back in Japan.  He checked his phone again though, well, he thought, at least I’ll be going home to Rin.

 

XXX

 

“Haruka…” Makoto could hardly believe his eyes.  Haruka was here at Stanford.

Haruka looked at him with a pained expression.  It had been an unbelievably long time since he had seen Makoto.  Haruka had finished his Master’s in Japan, and then shortly after that he was invited to do a short doctoral degree which built on his Master’s at Oxford in England.  And in the present, he had been hired at Stanford University to be a professor of English.  His papers about romance and sexuality throughout the centuries had made him quite famous as a young scholar.  Makoto had kept up with this, but he still hadn’t expected that Haruka would take a job at Stanford.

Because of the silence, Haruka felt like he had to explain himself, “I really enjoyed my time in California.  It’s my favorite place in the world,” I think, he added mentally.  

It had been almost five years since the accident, and Haruka was starting to finally feel as though his present memories were sufficient.  He was beginning to believe them to be his true memories and true thoughts.  But, seeing Makoto always made him question that.

Makoto nodded, trying not to recall too many of their memories living together in California, “Haruka...I…”

Haruka shrugged, “It’s fine, Makoto.  I don’t want anything from you and I don’t want to put any kind of pressure on you.  If you don’t want me to be here, I’ll try to find a different university in the bay.”

Makoto shook his head that wasn’t going to be necessary, “I got a position at MIT.”

Haruka’s eyes widened.  Stanford and MIT were the best schools in the United States for the part of the brain that Makoto researched, and Haruka was well aware of that.  In terms of research, they were probably about even, but MIT was historically more famous for the subject and had hosted more famous professors in the subject in the past.  The fact that Makoto had gotten a position among them, was quite a feat, “Let me take you out to celebrate?”

Haruka had tried to say it like a statement, but he was confused about how to deal with this new situation and as a result, it came out as a question.  A part of him had expected that if he went back to Stanford, things with Makoto would go back to how they used to be.  Not that he knew what that really meant to Makoto, but in Haruka’s mind they would go back to how they had been when Haruka had first woken up.  Back when Makoto still had hope that Haruka would get better.  Back when things were easier and they travelled around California and read together and things were easy.  The fellowship at Oxford had been too good to pass up, besides, losing Makoto had been fresh then and Haruka was bitter, but now...now, he thought that it would be possible to work things out with Makoto.

Obviously, if Makoto was going to MIT, this wouldn’t go the way that Haruka had hoped.

“Haruka...even if I weren’t going to MIT, this is really too difficult for me,” it had been years, but that much hadn’t changed for Makoto at least.  After all, it had been him and Haruka against the world for over twenty years when the accident occurred.  When Haruka’s memories disappeared, Makoto had held on.  But as the time passed, and Haruka’s memories stayed locked away, Makoto faded too.

Haruka’s hand unconsciously went for his shirt pocket where he was storing a cigarette and his lighter.  Realizing what he was doing, Haruka let his hand fall back by his side, but Makoto stared at the pocket.  Makoto raised his arm and rested his hand on Haruka’s shoulder, then he did something of a forced smile, “It’s fine.  I’m happy, and I’m happy for you.”

It was Haruka’s turn to smile, “I’ll be here forever, Makoto.  I know I’m not the Haruka I used to be, and I know I’ve forgotten how to love and I may not ever remember, but you...you’re the most important person in the world for me.  You have to know that.”

“I do,” Makoto answered.  But, it wasn’t enough.  The person in front of him was too different from Haruka for him to be with, “but Haruka, I hope you move on from here.”  I have, but Makoto didn’t tell Haruka that.  Even now, Makoto felt like he was responsible for protecting Haruka.  And he worked his hardest to do that.

 

XXX

 

Their class was dismissed and Rin could not remember a single thing that had happened during it.  He sat at his desk dumbfounded, just as he had been when their professor had walked in the classroom at the beginning of class.

Finally, Rin began to gather the syllabus and all of his papers.

Rin didn’t notice it at first, but everyone was gone.  There was no one in the room, except Rin and the professor.  They stayed in silence, until his professor spoke at last, “The admissions standards must have been pretty low this year to get you admitted here.  That or you finally learned how to write.”

Rin closed his eyes.  So, Haruka remembered him, that came as a surprise, given that Haruka had basically disappeared after their graduation.  Haruka had deleted his Facebook and no one had any information about what had happened to him.  Rin figured that he was off somewhere in Japan doing research and being arrogant.  

Rin never expected to see him again, least of all places in California.  And yet, in other ways, having Haruka as a professor was par for the course of Rin’s life.  Naturally, Rin would go on a journey to find himself and wind up in a class taught by the guy who used to be a jackass when they were students together.  Worst of all, the night that they shared together was something that Rin still thought about once in awhile.  The mysterious Haruka Nanase.  Rin smirked, “You’d never guess who recommended me.”

But, Haruka didn’t have to, after all, every one of the professors had to approve the students who were to be offered admission to the program.  Rin apparently wasn’t familiar with the process, and Haruka was not about to inform Rin that he had approved Rin’s admission.  Haruka had been impressed with the papers that were submitted by Rin’s professors for his admission.  That was supposed to be the only reason that he had agreed to Rin’s acceptance.  There was also their unfinished business.  But, Haruka was determined to keep this professional.

Afraid of being too friendly, Haruka decided to change the subject rather abruptly, “We have to talk.”

Rin nodded.  He put the papers he had collected into his briefcase, and joined Haruka at the podium in the front, Haruka explained “Some other professors are aware that we were students at the same university in the same program, but they don’t know anything else about that.  I trust that you will recognize that this is my job and it could be rather problematic for me if our past -”

Rin cut him off determined to play it cool, “Haruka.  It’s been what?  Seven years?  I hardly even remember what happened.”

Haruka nodded.  And they parted.  But, that night when Nagisa asked Rin about his first day at school, Rin kept the fact that his professor was Haruka Nanase to himself.

 

XXX

XXX

 

When Rin woke up, he felt an odd sense of deja vu.  He hadn’t felt this way in a long time, but it was familiar.  His lungs were full of smoke, he was naked, and he was on the right side of the bed, near a window.

 

Shit.  He thought.

 

He turned to his left side.  Haruka was sitting up against the headboard smoking.  He looked down at Rin.  His lips parted and he started to say something but no words came out.

 

Rin looked away and bit his lip.

 

Both of them wanted to talk, but neither knew where to start.

 

XXX

 

“I...As you know, I...I’ve been having difficulties at work too,” Nagisa started.  Rin never complained to Nagisa, Nagisa had gone into the private sector instead of teaching and that had been a mistake.  Nagisa had many more student loans to pay than Rin, and he thought that he’d be able to pay them back faster if he went into the private sector.  That was true, but money came with a different kind of price, it sucked out Nagisa’s vivacious energy.

 

Rin nodded, “Yeah.”

 

“I...I asked my supervisor for a recommendation for a position,” Nagisa took a big gulp of his drink.

 

Rin started to smile, “That’s great!  You’ll be able to get out of that crappy place.  What’s the job?  When will you hear back?  Have you interviewed?”

 

Nagisa’s face fell.  This was difficult, “I...I start next week.”

 

“What?!” Rin practically shouted, “I’m buying you another drink.”

 

“I’m not finished,” Nagisa played with the straw, “It’s in California.”

 

Rin almost dropped his beer.  His eyes widened, “What?”

 

Nagisa nodded, “I’ve packed everything, and my flight is in two days.  I start next week in California.”

 

“N-no…” Rin said.  He was in shock.  He would have said more, but he simply couldn’t believe this.  This was completely surprising news for him.

 

Nagisa closed his eyes, “I’m sorry, but it’s at a community college there, and you know I always wanted to teach adults.”

 

Rin knew this, Nagisa, inspite of his personality, wasn’t great with kids.  He did better working with adults and he said that he enjoyed seeing the improvement in their writing over time.  It made Nagisa more satisfied.  Rin was afraid of the answer, but he asked anyway, “So...so are you leaving for good then?”

 

“There’s something else,” Nagisa started, “when I applied, I was applying for everything.  Not just to teach, I applied to go back to school.  And...I talked to some of our old professors and they remembered you.  They may have filled out applications for you too.”

 

“Wh-what?  That was a waste of time,” Rin laughed cooly, “I’d never get into a doctoral program,” he sipped on his beer.

 

Nagisa, however, was not as amused, “I didn’t get in, but Rin...you did.”

 

“The hell?” Rin almost fell off his chair, “You’re kidding.”

 

Nagisa shook his head, “You remember the teacher that used to give you a hard time?  In that class we had during our last semester?”

 

“Yeah,” Rin said.  The class with Haruka.  And Nitori, Rin sighed.  Neither of them were people that he liked thinking about.

 

“She remembered you being one of her best students.”

 

“She failed my first paper.”

 

Nagisa shrugged, “You did well on the final paper though.”

 

That was true, “So...I got into a grad program at our old school?  And you think I should do it?  To try to get the hell out of my middle school situation?”  Rin smirked a bit.

 

“No, it’s not Tokyo U,” Nagisa said softly, “I didn’t apply for anything in Japan.  It’s in California too, the prestigious Stanford University.  Rin, I want you to go to California with me.  That’s the other thing that I wanted to tell you.”

 

“Huh?”

 

Nagisa sighed, he had practiced this many times in his head, but the alcohol wasn’t helping dull his nerves.  As a result, he spoke very quickly as he spilt it all, “I...I haven’t been with anyone in a while, as you know…And, to tell you the truth Rin, I’ve always sort of...thought we had a good time together.  Since this is the last chance to tell you, I wanted to let you know.  And if you want to, you can come with me.  My school is like 20 minutes away from Stanford and we could live together and be together and I just think maybe you know… Well, either way, I bought you a ticket.  You can come if you want, if not I can get it changed.”

 

This caught Rin off guard.  He had flirted with the blonde, hell, he liked the blonde, but, to leave his job and move with him to California?

 

Nagisa looked at him with his wide red eyes.  Rin felt himself begin to blush, “I-I...wow.  This is a lot.”

 

Nagisa’s face fell.

 

But, what the hell did Rin have here anyway?  He was almost 30 and he had no one and nothing in his life.  He didn’t even have a pet.  He hated his job.  It wasn’t going anywhere.  He had no other future options, not until now.  And Nagisa, his best friend was going to leave?  No way.

 

“I’ll go with you,” the words fell out of Rin’s mouth and surprised even himself.  He didn’t think of himself as someone willing to take risks like that, but he had always thought of America as a place for opportunity, and he sure as hell could use some opportunity in his life right now.  What was the worst that could happen?  It couldn’t be any worse than his current situation.

 

Nagisa’s eyes widened and he looked so happy.  Without hesitation, he leaned in and kissed Rin.  The kiss caught Rin by surprise, but Nagisa tasted sweet, like strawberries.  And Rin found himself wanting to taste more of him.

 

XXX

 

Somehow, Nagisa managed to talk Rin into going to graduation.  Rin himself couldn’t be sure how that had happened.  Rin looked around the room.  It was packed with people from all the different Masters and Doctoral programs that Tokyo University had.  Somewhere in that crowd was his sister.

 

Rin was seated with the other members of the English Education program.  There weren’t many of them, somewhere around 30.  Nagisa was close to him.  Rin expected to see Haruka there.  He had gone onto facebook recently to try to find out what Haruka was up to.  Rin didn’t dare text Haruka to ask.  No matter how tempted he was, what Haruka said after their one night stand played again over and over in his head.  Rin was not about to embarrass himself by reaching out to Haruka.  That said, he couldn’t help be intrigued.

 

Haruka’s facebook was gone though.  Haruka was gone.  No one seemed to know what had happened to him.  Rin had asked around as casually as he could.  No one seemed to know.

 

Most people guessed that he was off doing something great.  Who knew what though?  Rin pushed it out of his mind.

 

Today was a big day for him.  Today was the last day of his schooling.

 

Thank God.

 

XXX

  
  


What Haruka had said would happen, that he would never talk to Rin outside of class was what happened for the rest of the semester.  Haruka always left the classroom the second that they got out of class or he’d awkwardly evade Rin, if Rin tried to engage him.  They occasionally spoke, but it was school related and solely for a minute or so.  It was uncomfortable for Rin because Haruka made it clear in his body language that he wanted to leave.  

 

Haruka’s whole manner completely confused Rin, given that Haruka had been the one to call it a perfect night, but before Rin knew it, the semester was over.  Rin finished the program early, as he had always planned to.  It had been his last semester, and now, he was eligible to be a teacher.  Yes, it had been a great one night stand, but sometimes, we meet great people and we have a slice of them and that’s it.  The attraction wasn’t enough, Rin thought, and this often caused him to think about exactly what Haruka had said the night they spent together.

 

After Rin’s program ended though, Haruka, the mysteriously attractive person faded into nothingness.  The person Haruka seemed to disappear completely.  So did most of the people in Rin’s program.  Really, the only one that Rin talked to as the time went on was Nagisa.  As for Haruka, Rin assumed that he must have gone abroad or maybe he stayed at the university, but whatever he was doing, it didn’t matter to Rin.  He was in another corner of the universe.  And the years went by.

 

Rin occasionally thought about the mystery man that he had once hooked up with, but mostly the time simply went by.  He did his job, his job that he hated.  He made enough money to get by and that was that.  Time passed.

 

And it was years, before Rin saw Haruka again.

 

XXX

  
  


Haruka Nanase checked Facebook one final time before he deleted his account.  He had actually typed out a full post written to Rin.  In the post, he recounted everything about himself.  He explained that he had lost been in a relationship with someone for his entire life and he had lost his memory.  He explained that he was attracted to the redhead, and that although he had meant for it to be just a fuck, there was something about this semester, there was something about their last semester that just simply drew him to Rin.  He wanted more.  He wanted to make it work.  He wanted to see what would happen.

 

Instead, he grabbed his bong, took a few hits, and deleted the message and then, deleted his Facebook.

 

This was going to be the end of an era, he decided.  He looked again back over his acceptance letter to Oxford.  They were going to do an accelerated doctoral program for him.  Two years.  In two years he’d have two extra letters and a period in front of his name and the ability to go wherever he wanted.  Haruka looked over at the envelope from Stanford.

 

It was unopened, but it was thick.  Thick envelopes always meant acceptance.  But, Haruka didn’t want to know.  If he didn’t open it, then he didn’t have to decide.

 

Besides, hadn’t Makoto made that decision for him already?

 

His attention went back to the computer screen.  He thought about reopening his account.  He thought about retyping that entire message to Rin.  He thought about simply calling the redhead.

 

No.  He told himself.

 

And so, instead, he went on Expedia and ordered a plane ticket.  He was going to Oxford and he was going to have a new life.

 

XXX

 

“So what was the most exciting part of your day?” Rin asked mostly trying to make conversation.  There was something off about Nagisa tonight, but Rin couldn’t put his finger on what precisely could be wrong.  Ever since Rin had gotten home, Nagisa seemed like he was in a bad mood.  Rin assumed that it had to do with the fact that Nagisa’s job wasn’t what he had expected.  To be fair, returning to graduate school hadn’t been what Rin had expected either.

 

Nagisa had ordered in food, choosing not to cook for them, which was a surprise to Rin, given the pancakes that he had received that morning, but Rin didn’t say anything.  Nagisa had a long day, but he didn’t want to explain or talk about how his interview with Rei had gone.  He certainly didn’t want to inform to Rin that it ended up being the only interview that he did.  He had a list of ten names, and somehow he ended up spending the entire day with Rei.  No, there was no way that he was going to get into that with Rin, so instead he turned the question back around, “Um, it was fine.  It’s definitely different here than Japan.  I told you in my text earlier that they messed up my contract so it turns out I’m doing testing related stuff.”

 

Rin nodded.

 

“How was your day?”  Nagisa asked.

 

Rin sighed.  He didn’t realize it, but he actually had a strangely similar day as Nagisa.  He had the sort of day that he didn’t want to share much about.  He had gone to his first class, and somehow managed to end up with Haruka as his professor.  Surely, if he told Nagisa this, it would lead to some type of awkward conversation.  So, Rin evaded the question, “Oh you know, I met some classmates.  My professors are kind of weird,” well, that was true at least.

 

Nagisa nodded.  They were eating Italian pizza which tasted completely different in America than it did in Japan.  The Japanese pizza was much closer to true Italian pizza, and so neither of them had much of it.  This pizza was far too greasy for them.

 

They spent most of dinner in silence.  Rin figured that they should be doing something physical, and Nagisa felt compelled to be doing something with Rin, after all, hadn’t he spent forever fantasizing about finally being with Rin?  Now, he had Rin, but all he could think about was the man that he met earlier.  Rin let out a long sigh, and handled their dishes.

 

Rin ended up giving Nagisa an out that night, “I guess I should get started on my course readings.”

 

Nagisa nodded, “Yeah, I’ve got work to do too.”

 

Neither of them had anything to do, but they both needed privacy.  Rin wondered if agreeing to come to California with Nagisa had been a complete mistake.  And Nagisa wondered why he wasn’t more happy.  Wasn’t this what he had wanted?

 

XXX

 

Nagisa sat in the cafe waiting for the other man to arrive.  He had been informed by his new boss that he had in fact not been hired to become an English teacher at the local community college, but instead been hired to become a combination of a teacher trainer and testing developer.  And so, he had a list of people that he was supposed to meet with and he was supposed to help them develop their curriculum and help them become more familiar with testing.

 

His eyes glanced at the first name on the page.  Rei Ryugazaki.  It was a Japanese name.  He couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy.  Whoever this Japanese man was, he was living Nagisa’s dream.  He was teaching adults and he was teaching English literature.

 

The bespeckled man who joined him was surprisingly attractive.  He had messy dark hair, and was well-built.  Nagisa oogled him a little bit, but reminded himself that this was a work meeting.

 

“So, you’re supposed to help me with assessment?” Rei asked, he sat straight down and was immediately on the offensive.  Obviously, he had been informed that in spite of his stellar reviews from students, he was terrible with test preparation.  His students frequently ended up having to retake his class.

 

Nagisa nodded.  He tried to be upbeat.  Most teachers had negative outlooks about his job.  This was something that he was used to.  Being a professional in assessment gave him access to some of the highest paying jobs in academia, but he was frequently criticized by those around him.  No matter how much you think students hate tests, teachers hate them even more, “I’m supposed to look at your lesson plans and help you fit assessment into your classes in a positive manner.”

 

He looked apprehensive, “Look.  I’ve done a lot of research into this.  Especially after my chat with our boss,” Nagisa was considered a part of the English program meaning that they had shared the head of the department, “I’m pretty convinced that I’ve gotten a lot better.  So, any time you want to, you are welcome to come to my class and you can observe me.”

 

Nagisa nodded, “That’d be nice.  That’s really the best way for me to do my job.  I’m also available, if you would like, to give you some training on the goals and purposes of assessment to try to help you further improve your classroom,” offering this was expected given his position, but Nagisa couldn’t help hoping that Rei would take him up on it.  The man was not only completely and utterly attractive, but he was also clearly determined to improve.

 

“Well, I’m teaching this afternoon, if you’d like to come by,” Rei offered, he hoped the blonde would agree.

 

Oh what the hell, Nagisa thought, I have to do this at some point anyway, I might as well do this now.  And so, he cancelled the rest of his appointments for the day, and decided to focus his attention on improving Rei.

 

XXX

 

Rei took Nagisa to his class and Nagisa observed it closely.  Nagisa was blown away.  He had never seen students so engaged, and he had observed many other teachers before.  He had never seen a teacher that loved his students the way that Rei did.  He had never seen someone that dedicated.

 

After class, Rei spoke with his students and stayed answering questions for a good half hour.  Nagisa stayed as well.

 

When the classroom emptied, Nagisa followed Rei back to his office.

 

“Well?  What criticisms do you have for me?”  Rei asked.  The way that he asked it was different than most.  Most teachers asked Nagisa the same question with an air of annoyance.  They didn’t actually want the answer to the question, they were asking it defensively.  Rei seemed genuinely eager to improve.

 

“I-I…” Nagisa started, but he was dumbfounded.  He could hardly imagine that there was someone in the world that was as perfect as Rei.  He steadied himself.  He knew that he had to prove himself to Rei.  After all, with Rei’s respect, he’d have an easier time with the rest of the teachers, “I think you spent too much time on page 26.”

 

Rei had allowed the activity to run on for over 10 minutes.  The recommended length per activity was somewhere around 5-7 minutes.  It was a bit of a nitpicky thing to choose, but Nagisa couldn’t come up with any other clear criticism.  What had he been watching for the last hour and forty-five minutes?  Why hadn’t he been able to come up with something more concrete?

 

Rei looked at Nagisa thoughtfully and smiled, “You’re right, of course.  It went a bit long.  Sometimes I let my activities run longer than they should.  The students looked engaged, but I would imagine that solely sounds like an excuse to you.  The truth is that I should have spent the time covering more material.”

 

No, Nagisa thought, student engagement is important, because it’s how they stay involved in the material.  Nagisa hated playing this role.  He hated that his new position required him to do the same damn thing he had been doing for the last few years.  This was supposed to be his chance.  He was supposed to finally get to be doing his dream job.  Instead, he was here finding more things to criticize about seasoned teachers who were doing just fine without him, “Remember, Rei, there is a curriculum for a reason,” Nagisa internally rolled his eyes, “and if you go too far from the intended curriculum it weakens everything for every other class here.”

 

Rei nodded, “That’s true.  How long have you been a teacher, Nagisa?”

 

Nagisa cringed.  This was a question he hated being asked.  The truth was that he had only ever been a student teacher.  No real teacher took that experience seriously.  But, he was an expert in the field of testing.  And he was actually a damn fine teacher trainer.  It just wasn’t what he had wanted to do, “A while,” it was better to avoid the question.

 

“Really?” Rei looked at him with suspicion, “you seem so young though.”

 

“I look younger than I am,” that was actually quite true.

 

“How’d you get into testing?”

 

“It paid the bills,” the words slipped out of Nagisa’s mouth before he could stop them.  That was the sort of honesty that he reserved for Rin.

 

Rei laughed, “I hear it pays rather well.”

 

“It does, but I’d much rather teach.”

 

Nagisa found himself talking to Rei for even longer than he had expected.  There was something about the man that allowed him to loosen up.

 

XXX

 

Their dinner conversation hadn’t been great.  Both men were now keeping secrets.

 

“Well,” Nagisa got up from the table, “I guess I ought to work on my reviews.”

 

Nagisa had only really gotten through Rei’s after all.  He’d need to do a lot this week to make up for how he had spent today, but he had made yet another coffee date with Rei.  He couldn’t help himself.  There was something about the man that made him feel nice.

 

Rin nodded, “There’s some new student party at campus tonight to welcome us.”

 

This was the first orientation event that Rin had showed any interest in.  Nagisa took notice of that, but he thought it was probably a good thing if he spent some time away from Rin to collect his thoughts.  Perhaps this thing with Rin had been a mistake?  Perhaps they had moved too quickly?  He kicked himself for thinking that though.  Wasn’t I the one who always wanted this?

 

Nagisa didn’t say anything about any of that, “You should go.  Have a good time.”

 

Rin smiled, “Yeah I think I will.  I’m going to get ready though.”

 

He was sort of expecting Haruka to be there, and he wanted to look nice.  Not that that would be right of him, but it was Haruka.  He hadn’t seen Haruka in forever.  He had about a thousand questions for the darkhaired man, but he wanted Haruka to come to him.  He had tried so hard to play it cool when he was in class with Haruka, and he had managed to do okay at the end of class, but he remembered nothing about the lecture.

 

Rin went off into their shared room and took a shower.  He put on a nice button down shirt and some tight leather pants.  Nagisa had no reason to be suspicious of the outfit, and as Rin left, he called after him to have a good time.

 

XXX

 

Rin walked to school.  Nagisa’s apartment was relatively close to the Stanford campus.  It was a cheaper area than the residential area near where Nagisa went to work.  

 

Rin arrived at the party and immediately felt awkward.  He was instantly reminded that he was one of the older graduate students.  He slightly regretted coming to the party.  His eyes scanned the room for Haruka, who was no where to be found.  He mentally kicked himself.  Why would he have ever thought that a professor would come to a student party?

 

Rin grabbed a glass of wine and threw it back.  He should head back home, he thought.  He should go back to Nagisa.  He didn’t want to though.  The blonde had had a rather bad day and so had he, and he just didn’t want to be around Nagisa.  Being around Nagisa would make him feel guilty, because the truth was that seeing Haruka after all these years brought him straight back to the end of their schooling together.

 

It had been years and Rin was still in love with Haruka.

 

How had that happened?  Rin wondered, it wasn’t as though he had anything that even could be called a relationship with Haruka, and yet, there was something about the mysteriousness and the time that had passed, that had made him fall literally head over heels for Haruka.

 

Rin wanted to get drunk.

 

He couldn’t get drunk here though.  He couldn’t get drunk in front of these strangers with whom he would have to have some kind of professional relationship.  He was back in school, he reminded himself.

 

So, Rin walked to the nearest bar.  There was a bar a few blocks away from campus, and a safe distance from his apartment.  That was where he decided to go.

 

He strolled along enjoying the California breeze.  He had to admit, it was absolutely beautiful in California.

 

XXX

 

 


End file.
